Wednesday, October 01, 2008

couple of ducks, 22...

The weather's getting warmer, it's time to crack out your favourite beverage, leave work early so you're on the couch by 5:30pm and tune the telly to Channel 7. It's Deal or No Deal time.

Deal or No Deal is otherwise known as "The Suitcase Game" is played thusly: some lucky punter picks a suitcase out of a group of 26. Each case has an amount of cash inside it, from 50 cents to $200 000. You open each of the other cases in random order, hoping to reveal the smaller cash amounts. At the end of each round, the "banker" will offer you some money, the amount of which depends on the cases that you have already opened. If you're happy with the amount of cash offered from the bank, you can accept that money ("deal") and forego whatever actual amount was in the original suitcase you picked. If you're not happy with that amount, you keep picking suitcases ("no deal") either until you are happy with the bank offer, or you have run out of suitcases to eliminate.

Easy eh?

If you're confused, don't worry - this is a game of pure luck. There isn't a way to be 'good' or 'bad' at it - if you knock out all the big numbers in the beginning, you're fucked. But it's not your fault. It's a gamble, plain and simple. There's a 1 in 26 chance that you've got $200,000. There's a 25 in 26 chance that you don't. If you find yourself fucked after one round, don't worry, you're not a shit person, you've just had a shit time on national television.

So, charge your glasses and let's kick your afternoon off nicely:

Deal or No Deal: The Drinking Game

– one drink each time the contestant says, "I came with nothing, I'll leave with nothing!"
– one drink when the contestant's friend says to take the deal and the contestant doesn't listen to them
– two drinks if the contestant then fucks up badly
– one drink whenever the contestant's friend says, "It's up to you." Thanks for your help.
– one drink whenever it looks like a friendship/marriage could be torn apart by this game
– one drink when the contestant's wife is in the crowd and shows the country who wears the pants in the relationship
– one drink when the contestant looks like they're ready to bail after the first bank offer
– three drinks if they do
– four drinks if Andrew O'Keefe manages to pad out the rest of the show
– two drinks when one of the suitcase holders picks the right amount
– one drink when you reckon they have to edit out the contestant saying, "Fuck!" or if the contestant literally wets themselves when they knock out $200 000
– one drink when anyone has a spot of trouble opening up a suitcase
– one drink if the contestant gives a reason for picking a particular number
– two drinks per reason if this continues past the first ad break
– three drinks if it goes past the second ad
– one drink when Andrew O'Keefe says, "Now we have to go for broke!" when all help seems lost – one drink when the contestant does a really stupid version of "No deal!"
– one drink if the contestant plans to "take the family to [random foreign country]"
– one drink every time Andrew O'Keefe makes a reference to that country
– one drink whenever that trip becomes a bit cheaper (i.e. the whole family travelling around the world becomes contestant and partner travelling around the world, which becomes them on a tour of Australia, which becomes a drive to Queensland, which becomes a bus trip to Sydney, which becomes a free tram ride to the shops to grab a newspaper, which becomes thieving the newspaper from your neighbour). (I think you get the idea...)
– one drink when the news headlines come on (just in case you're not drinking enough)
– two drinks when the decision to deal or not deal is so tough that Andrew O'Keefe calls for an audience vote
– one drink when the contestant takes into serious account a random stranger's opinion regarding how much money they think is in their suitcase
– three drinks if the contestant wins less than the people who picked the right amount in their suitcase

Imagine how many shots you could do for $200,000.

That’d be awesome. I’ll drink to that!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'd need a couple of pre-show shots just to watch that shit.