The NRL finals race ticks down to just four teams, and since one of those teams is Cronulla, it might as well be down to three. And Melbourne will be investigated for salary cap cheating (again), so it’s down to two. And since one of those is from Queensland… congratulations Canberra! I never doubted you for a moment.
Some interesting developments off-field and in the pubs and signing contracts and getting overpaid and stuff this week – Greg Bird got in trouble at a pub in Tweed (or somewhere), but has acquitted himself by saying, “There’s no footage of me punching anyone” which is basically the NRL-adult way of saying “nuh uh” and also rates on the equivalent scale of Ted Bundy saying, “Yes I murdered and ate my victims, but I didn’t rape them this time.” Greg Bird, I’d love to say that we love your rascally ways, but really we just wish you’d fuck off. Also, there’s a bird that swoops me twice a day as I walk between my car and the office, so that bird can fuck right off too. Fuck all the birds.
Speaking of people who can fuck off, Todd Carney is considering a deal to come back to the NRL to play for St George. And so, the natural circle of life looks to complete itself, whereby all former Canberra Raiders players eventually sign with St George. For those not paying attention, Todd Carney was released by the Sharks a few years back over a string of off-field issues, which were topped off nicely by pictures of him pissing into his own mouth being circulated. Then he sued Cronulla for $3 million, claiming that he did it “because one day if it happens to a player again, the club might think back to what’s happened to me. It might help another player.”
I’m just not sure if a player photographing themselves drinking their own urine will happen again, to be honest, but I’m sure that if they do, they will be happy to know that Todd has $3 million to share around with his fellow pissheads.
Cronulla vs Cowboys
Cronulla announced during the week that they have re-signed inspirational captain Paul Gallen for another year, which confirms the fact that the Sharks aren’t going to send the skipper out with a win this year. Or next year, for that matter.
Last week’s Broncos vs Cowboys clash proved just how good extra time is over bonus point. It’s even better when the Broncos lose during it, too. No doubt the game has taken a fair fucking toll on the ol’ Cowboys team, who haven’t had to play that well to beat anyone since they took on the Hunter Mariners in 1997.
This could honestly go either way. Call me old fashioned, but I like my NRL the same way I like my scotch. With Cronulla not winning.
Storms vs Canberra Viking Clap WOO
During the week, Raiders coach Sticky Ricky Stuart said that he has had enough with the Melbourne bashing, claiming that he’s sick of talking about their wrestling tactics to slow the game down, and that if they want to cheat by using wrestling tactics to slow the game down, then that’s their prerogative and they should be ashamed of themselves and it will be even more glorious when Canberra fuck them over again.
Canberra have proven this year that they step up to play the full 80-minutes when it counts, such as the recent thrashings of the Storm and the Sharks, as well as the last-minute come-from-behind edge-of-your-seat demolition of the wooden spooned Newcastle Knights. They will need to come out with their shit-kickers shined and ready to kick some shit this weekend. Rattling the Storm early will be key – not allowing Cronk and Smith to get into their rhythm will go a long way to winning this one. And I can’t think of a better way to ruin Cooper’s 300th game for the Storm by pissing on his parade.