Friday, June 12, 2015

NRL 2015 Round 14: N*Sync Round – Bye bye bye

As we sneak towards Origin II (and the sequel is hardly ever as good as the original, and the original was a bit shit, to be honest – let’s hope that this series of Origins is more Terminator 2 than Speed 2, if you get my Tokyo Drift?

In a quick rundown on Origin news, Trent Hodkinson maintained his position at five-eighth for NSW.  It has scientists baffled.  When you play on the same team as Mitchell Pearce, lose the game and STILL have people baying for your blood, you know you’ve done something wrong. 

Blues coach Lozza Daley told Rugby League Week, “… for me, when I’m picking representative sides, I want blokes who have played consistently well for a period of time.”  This is the closest proof we have that Daley and the selectors are yet to see a game of football since 1996. 

To compensate for a shitty halves pairing, NSW have bolstered their backline by including both Morris twins.  This will no doubt relieve spectators and commentators alike, as we don’t have to keep second-guessing ourselves when “Morris” does something.  And when you have Morris2, things usually happen.  They often involve dislocated shoulders, torn hamstrings and broken hearts, but still, that’s three more things than happened in Origin I.
The QLD camp is crying about Cooper Cronk being ruled out with a knee injury suffered during Melbourne’s win over Penrith last week.  In even worse news, Daly Cherry-Evans has been selected to take his place, fresh from leading Manly to a 40-point loss last week.  At least the Maroons are trying to match the Blues’ bizarre halves choices.  I guess Mal is really “sticking his neck out” with that selection, despite DCE being an “albatross around the neck” for his teams at the moment.  But he has put his “neck on the line” for his team, and it was always “neck and neck” between him and Morgan to take over from Cronk.  So Chery is “up to his neck in it” and he knows he’s got a few people “breathing down his neck” if it all goes “neck up.”

Daly Chery-Evans has a long neck.

Billy Slater has declared that Wednesday’s Origin game could be his “last for the season.”  To be honest, Slats, we didn’t even notice that you’d played this year so far.  Billy’s ongoing shoulder problem will require surgery following the game, effectively ruling his 2015 season with the Storm, Queensland and Australia well and truly dusted.  Personally, I’d leave him out completely, especially considering rumours that Greg Inglis will be moved from his current centre position to play on the wing in order for him to regain some good form, despite his preferred club position being fullback.  Why not play Greggy at a position he actually fucking knows, instead of fucking around with fucking cripples like Billy fucking Slater, who just wants to play so he can get a handy from Cam Smith at halftime at the MCG and tick something off his bucket list? 

On the obverse, it would put Inglis up against the devastating defence of Will Hopoate, so if scoring about eighteen tries in a game is what it takes to get his confidence back, then it’s probably not the worst idea in the world.

Round 14

Holy fuck, what was with last week?  The Sharks continued their run against the Roosters, the Cowbs came back from 24 points down… probably some other stuff as well. 

To be honest, I would put a good ol’ Geoff Toovey INVESTIGATION into the Sydney Roosters following last week’s bullshit effort.  If they all didn’t have about $500,000 on the Sharks to win, I’d be fucking surprised.  The amount of errors they made – and the way they made them – were like when you were playing cricket in the back yard with your uncle, who would spoon catches back to you so he could stop batting and get stuck into the good beers that he’d brought along instead of nursing the one Melbourne Bitter that he’d been handed when he walked in.  ANYWAY, it was obvious when he was trying to get out, and it was obvious that the Roosters had no intention of winning that game.

Wests Tigers vs  South Sydney Rabbitohs

Instead of having byes next year, it has been floated that teams just play the Tigers instead.  They are guaranteed 2 points in any case.

New Zealand Warriors vs Sydney Roosters

This game is practically a home-game for the Roosters, considering the amount of Kiwis in the team… which in theory makes in a Warriors away game… so you can expect the shit version of NZ to turn up.  It would make it even more homely for the Chooks if no one turns up – they love playing to empty stadiums. 

Gold Coast Titans vs Canterbury Bulldogs

I reckon the Titans are probably about ready to upset the Dogs, who I don’t rate AT ALL… but I’m probably pretty wrong about that.  Yeah, tip Dogs.  It makes sense, at least.

Melbourne Storm vs Parramatta Eels

The Storm will be without Smith, Cronk, Slater, Korobiete and Chambers for this game, and so will probably win by about thirty, instead of the seventy that they would normally do.  

Ben Ross, proudly sponsored by Pringles.  Once you pop, you can’t stop.  

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