Thursday, April 17, 2014

NRL 2014 Round 7: We don’t need no stinkin’ sirens

An interesting week of waiting for the next game of footy has almost passed us by, with several questions throwing themselves up like Blake Ferguson on a Friday night. 

Questions like “what was that siren-like noise?  It sounded like a siren.”  Usually, when the siren-like noise of a siren is heard, it indicates the end of the game.  Not so much for the Melbourne vs St George game on Monday night, when it just meant “next try wins!”  Melbourne scored in the following set of tackles (good try, too) to take the points, and the NRL looked into the matter and announced that the clock on the scoreboard, the watch on the referee’s wrist, and the full-time siren aren’t actually synched up.  I’ve pressed buttons on watches before; my watch was totally synched to the time of the bell all through school.  That way, I knew to the second how much longer I had to wait to get beaten up catch the school bus home so I could masturbate practice ninjitsu.  I would even go so far as to say that I would be happy to quit my job and be the official “guy who synchronises all of the time-pieces in the NRL.”  I'd be happy to quit my job entirely, to be perfectly Francis.  

Another question raised was “how rubbish is Ben Barba?”  To which the correct response is “as shit as Justin Hodges.”  They are a massive reason why I don’t like the Broncos, and another reason as to why the Broncos aren’t going so well.  I love it when a team’s “best player” comes back from injury and they look like they’ve never even seen a football before.  I swear, Hodgey was so off his game last Friday that he almost passed the ball.  He didn’t, don’t worry, but I think it crossed his mind.  Barba, on the other hand, is proving himself to be the league’s biggest waste of money.  I’ve got a funny feeling that ol’ Benny will be “injured” or “in rehab” in a few weeks – it’s just a bit lucky that the Broncos bought seventeen other fullbacks in the off-season.  It’s a perfect time to use the under-handed sledge “I may not be the best fullback in the NRL, but at least I’m the best fullback in my team” to him.  They probably won’t, but it would be worth a go.

Enough sensible talk, let’s get into the tipping:

Round 7

How weird is it that Gold Coast are still on top of the ladder?  It makes me feel a bit dirty.  I’m tipping them to stay there after this weekend, just quietly. The Dogs and the Rabbitohs game is giving me the ummmms and aaaaaahs, just quietly.  But since it’s Easter, I’m going with the Bunnies.  There’s some logic.  The Cowboys suck massive balls right now, so there’s that taken care of.  St George will be pissed off that they lost last week in controversial circumstances, so that will inspire theme to beat the Warriors.  No one cares about the Roosters or the Sharks, so don’t even bother tipping that match (for the record, I’ve gone for the Roosters, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a MAHOOSIVE upset there).  Everyone’s favourite “Rags to Riches” teams in the Eels and the Tigers are battling it out, and it’s only the injuries to that spastic bloke I hate and their fullback who I like but he keeps hurting himself that are making me tip the Eels. 

South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Canterbury Bulldogs
Newcastle Knights vs Brisbane Broncos
Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles vs North Queensland Cowboys
St George-Illawarra Dragons vs New Zealand Warriors
Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks vs Sydney Roosters
Parramatta Eels vs Wests Tigers
Penrith Panthers vs Gold Coast Titans

Game of the Round

Canberra Raiders vs Melbourne Storm

It’s probably time for the Raiders to bring in the “flood them with field goals” game plan I suggested last week, although the Storm haven’t been looking too good lately, so they might keep it hidden for the first 20 minutes.  With a terrible track record of playing at home, and an equally bad one when playing away, the Raiders don’t seem to have a lot going their way right now.  Maybe they should sack their coach?  Everyone loves a good coach sacking.  And hey, it worked wonders for the Eels to get rid of Sticky Stuart. 

Fuck it, I want the Raiders to win.  So I’m tipping Melbourne (trust me, it works).

Todd Carney cements his spot in the "NRL's biggest twat" nominations

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