Another splendid weekend of tipping saw me double my previous week’s efforts, to score a massive 2 from 8. That gives me 3 from 16 for the fortnight. And yet, I feel like I’m actually on par with the rest of the world. You’re not; you’re like 30 points off the leader. Fair enough, I never liked golf anyway. I don’t trust the shoes.
In league this week, Beau Ryan made a joke about Jamie Soward on the Footy Show, which Jamie responded back to about how Beau Ryan should go back to reserve grade, so Robbie Farah decided to log into Twitter and give his eighteen cents. I would advise anyone who has been a victim of cyber-bullying and has then been made an advocate for anti-dickhead behaviour, as Robbie Farah has been, that they should probably stop abusing other people on social media.
Come on, Robert, don’t be the third man into a fight. That’s Sam Thaiday’s job.
In other news, the Warriors fired coach Matt Elliot, bringing the total number of teams that have dumped him before his contract expired to: All of them.
This MUST be the time that sanity prevails in the NRL, so I’m just going to go with the favourites and hope to fuck that they win. Stupid dickheads in the stupid dickheaded NRL. There’s no way to properly tip anyone right now. You just have to shrug, pick a team, grab some beers and swear at the tv a lot.
Penrith Panthers vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
Gold Coast Titans vs Brisbane Broncos
Parramatta Eels vs Sydney Roosters
Wests Tigers vs North Queensland Cowboys
New Zealand Warriors vs Canterbury Bulldogs
Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles vs Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks
Melbourne Storm vs St George-Illawarra Dragons
Game of the Round
Canberra Raiders vs Newcastle Knights
Canberra are obviously in a bit of trouble at the moment, sharing the cellar with the league’s whipping boys Melbourne, Nth Queensland and Souths. In my opinion, the Raiders’ biggest problem is their inability to score points. They can control the ball, they can win possession, they can have great field position, but they just don’t have a fucking clue as to how to score a try.
My solution: kick a field goal. Just imagine, four minutes in, the Raiders have the ball thirty metres out from the Newcastle line. Fifth tackle, the ball comes back to Terry Campese, who calmly slots a one-pointer. 1-0 Raiders.
Knights kick off. The Raiders grind it down to the Newcastle forty within five tackles. On the last, Jack Wighton knocks over a field goal. 2-0 Raiders.
Keep this going for the entire half, and they could be 20 points up. By this stage, the Knights will be thinking, “Well fuck. We should start trying to get to the kicker on the fifth tackle. We don’t want to be 21 points behind.” So they rush up on the first receiver on the fifth tackle. It’s at this point that the receiver passes the ball to a runner, who takes advantage of the gaps that have appeared, and they miiiiiight just be able to streak in for a try. If that doesn’t work, fuck it, just kick a field goal on the next set. Think of the scorecard with Canberra winning 27-6, and not crossing the try line at all. I have a field goal boner just thinking about it. Do you get those a lot? More than you know.
Fuck it, at the very least, it would stop the Raiders from just booting the ball straight to the fullback on every kicking option.
The Raiders cruelly lost star recruit Wesley Snipes to a season-ending ankle injury. His flat-top is fine.