Thursday, August 26, 2010
NRL Round 25: Talking Nonsense
My tips took an absolute fucking hammering last week. Just a few weeks ago, I was sitting pretty at the top of the ladder like a pretty man on top of a ladder, and now look at me; sitting in the middle like Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle.
Still, can’t dwell on the past – it does little to provide shelter and warmth, and it is nowhere near public transport and local shops.
Warriors vs Broncos
Well well well. Haven’t those Brissy boys proved themselves to be a one-man team? With Captain Lockyer nursing a cuticle on the sideline, the Broncs have impressed me about as much as a pizza with anchovies when I specifically asked for no anchovies. The Warriors lost last week, but fuck it, with Lockyer out of action, they shouldn’t have too much to worry about from the Brissy lads.
Rabbitohs vs Eels
Fuck you to the Bunnies who sucked harder than my brand new vacuum cleaner (well, before it broke anyway) last weekend. The Eels are still sore after their heartbreaking loss last week – apparently they were going to marry the finals series (or at least have a commitment ceremony) that has ended their season. Still, if they were better players, they would already have secured their spot in the top eight. Useless fucking Parra. Um. Souths to win, I guess. Only because they still have some kind of motivation. Parra are already balls deep in hookers in Bali, I reckon.
Sharks vs Titans
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Sharks. I just did some homework (something about Pythagoras’ theorem) and then read something about the Titans resting their entire side (two players) for this game. With second place wrapped up like an incredibly square and therefore easy to wrap-up Christmas present, they can afford to be fucksticks about the next few weeks. Which is handy, because the Titans really are fucksticks.
Knights vs Dragons
These traditional medieval rivals make my heart soar. The only thing that I like more than medieval shit is pretty much everything else in the world. The Knights are playing decent footy at the moment (apparently; I’m not watching them because I don’t like watching things that suck), and St George have got a case of the Chokes a bit early this year. At least last season they waited until the finals before they decided to let down their supporters. I think they will splutter through this game though and really “stick it up” those people who say they are “shit” by beating the team coming eleventh.
Raiders vs Cowboys
Six wins from the last seven weeks, which could otherwise be called “eleven wins from twenty-four weeks”, puts Canberra as the form team in the comp. Looking to either be “Parra from last year” or “themselves from 1989,” I’m saying that they’ll go all the way to the Grand Final from here. I can’t even begin to imagine how drunk I’m going to be that day.
PS. Canberra to win this game as well.
Tigers vs Storm
This game will be decided by the crowd, I reckon. And by that, I mean that neither team should turn up and they should just let the rabble on the hill debate the topic, "Who deserves to win?" Due to this match being a Tiggers home game, they’ll probably have the numbers on their side. As a side note, if it was a competition to see whose supporters had the most teeth, Melbourne would win hands down, even if the only Storm fan who turned up was “Gummy” George from St Kilda.
Roosters vs Sea Eagles
There’s always one pube in the soup, isn’t there? And this week, it’s this fucking game. The Roosters are playing absolute fucking shite right now (sorry, I’ve just gone all Scottish on myself, so I'll finish this tip in Trainspotting style) and mah big fa’ finger es pointin’ streight a’ Mister Fancy Pants Todd fookin Carney (actually, it’s giving me a headache). Toddy has been shithouse lately, but with the Ben Cousins documentary airing on telly this week, no doubt he will find a couple of pointers on how to perform properly while being a fucking dickhead on drugs. Easts by a couple.
Bulldogs vs Panthers
The Doggies will want to send off Brett Kimmorley with a win this weekend. I’d like to be able to fly-kick a dinosaur. I think my wish is somewhat more achievable. Poor Noddy. Poor dinosaur; I’m going straight for the throat, and that always hurts.
Tip like an Egyptian…