Monday, February 11, 2008

I'm so going to Hollywood

After the success of the Pirates of the Carribean movies, Australia's own film industry is following the trend of making movies based on popular theme-park rides.
Coming soon:

Dodgem Cars
Greg is our loveable larrikan hero, working the dodgems as he travels around the country with the carnies. He was known as the best dodgem operator in Australia, hopping onto the back and steering people out of tricky situations whenever they got stuck in the corner. Until one day, he was having trouble with Red #4, and as he spun the wheel, he was hit unexpectedly from the side. He lost his balance and landed in an approaching car, a car holding a young mother and her daughter. As he fell, he inadvertently crushed the young girl's ice-cream. Tears were shed, ice-cream was lost, and Greg lost the nerve to tackle the dodgems again.

But with the biggest show in Narramine's history fast approaching, more carnies are required, and corrupt ride-manager Mr Bertis is forced to approach Greg to take care of the dodgems.

"It's bumper-to-bumper fun!" - some guy
"A rare insight into the carnie life - laughs, love and drama. Brilliant." - some other guy
"Wow!" - obligatory one-word review


Working the Gravitron wasn't how high-school jock Keith imagined his life would turn out. The combination of bad carnival hot-dogs, pies and battered savs plus a machine that spins fast enough to reverse gravity is never a pretty one. Sick of mopping up putrid vomit, but with no other choice since the tragic (and badly filmed & often referred to flashback) car accident that took his parents' lives, he was forced to take care of his seven brothers and sisters, and often struggled to make ends meet. One night after a few too many bags of fairy floss, Keith puts the Gravitron into hyperdrive, spinning it fast enough to create a porthole into the past.

If you had the chance to start over, would you do it?

"If you liked 'The Castle', you'll love 'The Dish'!" - a confused punter
"Fascinating - the best time travel movie since Donnie Darko, but not as well acted, written or directed..." - someone who didn't really think about his review
"Abbie Cornish is charming!" - someone who mistakenly thought that Abbie Cornish was in this movie.

Haunted House

For four dollars, Cassandra didn't expect much from the Haunted House ride at the fair. Plastic skeletons, glow-in-the-dark paint and rubber spiders are hardly the thing of nightmares. Until now.
Filmed entirely on a bad mobile phone camera, this first-person perspective of a Haunted House ride will leave you shocked, confused and slightly ripped off, just like visiting a real Haunted House. Except if you see this at the movies, it will cost you $15.

"I couldn't see a thing." - Wayne (film critic)
"It had barely begun and then it was over. I don't get it. Is that seriously it?" - Dwayne (another film critic)
"It was ok, I guess. I dunno." - Shane (some kid who snuck in)


Anonymous said...

The Gravitron was awesome. Remember when the seat slid up when it got fast enough? I love remembering things.

Anonymous said...

Where do I get a good crowbar? I need one with maximum splatter effect.

Anonymous said...

the gravitron always made me feel sick too. once i threw up on my girlfriends' shoes.

Anonymous said...

the gravitron always made me feel sick too. once i threw up on my girlfriends' shoes.

Anonymous said...

Pointing is a God.

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

Ponting has nothing to do with the Gravitron, although if his current form doesn't improve, he will be selling tickets for it until he's 70.