Friday, June 15, 2007

Mister State of Evil

QLD 10 def NSW 6.

And really, it should have been a lot more.

After possibly the most boring game of State of Origin football ever, I have decided to chronicle the spectacle for years to come via this great medium known as the interweb. Generations to come will be able to read about the mediocrity of Australia’s best players, and this game will live on long after it has been forgotten. Although most of it has been forgotten by me already, but the general theme of the game has been captured beautifully.

It all started badly when Guy Sebastian came on to sing the national anthem. Credit where credit is due, this dude can sing, but there’s no need for that R’n’B trill voice shit going on in Advance Australia Fair. If I wanted to hear Christina Aguilera’s latest single, I would have stabbed myself in the face. Just bang out the anthem with modesty and passion, thanks Guy. Leave the showing off to your Westfield appearances.

Run through the sides, blah blah blah Karmichael Hunt blah blah blah Berrigan blah Thurston blah Petero. Blah blah NSW some guy some other guy blah blah. Basically the same team that looked ordinary in Game 1. Of interest to me was Anthony Minichello had been replaced by Brett Stewart from Manly, and although I hate Manly like I hate all inbred spastics, this guy is pretty good. So maybe they will win, I think. And then they confirm that Braith Anasta is still there, so no, they probably won’t. Although Braith already has some tape holding his head together, so I dare say someone (most likely Danny Buderus) has king-hit him in warm up. Or maybe he was waxing his monobrow and got carried away.

So it’s kick-off time, and some guy kicks it to some other guy, who passes it to someone else and they run forward. It’s a beautiful, intricate game, like if chess pieces could do ballet, and then do kickboxing all the time instead of either playing chess or dancing ballet steps. I'm enjoying the fact that Willie Mason is getting his arse handed to him every time he thinks about getting involved in the game. Look for him to be dropped for Game 3, but selected for the Kangaroos. So not much is happening for a while, and then someone scores. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I’m pretty sure I was unimpressed.

Speaking of being unimpressive, I don’t get why so many people rate Karmichael Hunt. The dude has never broken the line with his “massive” side-step, which is just him running slowly across field and jumping whenever someone gets close enough to tackle him.
Oh look, Willie Mason just knocked Jonathon Thurston out of the way. Well done, Willie, you’ve just run over the smallest man alive. Welcome to you being 6’3 and 110kgs. Idiot.

Justin Hodges doesn’t pass ever, which is pretty handy for NSW, cause he likes to get into dummy half and amble forward. Here’s another guy who has no pace or agility. Well done. Although after his ‘passing’ efforts a few years back, maybe it’s for the best.
Matt Cooper also seems to be having trouble letting go of the ball, or for that matter, doing anything useful when he does have it. Tits on a bull. And this NSW Bull already has enough tits, so goodbye Coop. Nice seeing you again. I’m sure you’ll do well at whatever side you’re playing for these days.

More running, a try to the Blues (nice one Stewie!) and we might have a game FINALLY. Nope, more rubbish in the 2nd half. I can’t recall anything, as there was a slow moving ant on the wall that captured my attention for most of the 40 mins. I think even Ray Warren lost interest, and started reading from The Great Gatsby on air. No one noticed.

It did get a bit exciting in the last 5 minutes when NSW could have stolen it from QLD, as they all finally started throwing the pill around (except for Cooper). But then they dropped the ball (Cooper again) and didn’t really do anything to deserve winning. Although the stats will show that QLD won, we can safely say that Rugby League was the real loser.

Wrap: Kimmorley was just a bit more useful than Mullen, but that’s not terribly difficult. I guess it’s hard to form a half-line partnership when your partner is Braith Anasta. Surely there’s someone else that we can find who can actually play this sport? Bring friggin Laurie Daley out of retirement. But not Fittler, I hate that prick.

Hot Tip for Game 3: Drop Mason, Anasta and Cooper. Bring in me, my left nut and Will Zillman. Game 3 would be saved, and the Origin spirit would live on.


Anonymous said...

Who the fuck is Will Zillman, I havent heard of him which means he is a nobody! NOBODY!!! (and not the John Eales type in case Mr Bootfall wants to get smart again) And another thing, why did Moggy leave the Raiders and go and play with Reds. The Reds are crap. The Raiders are ok, but they are no Storm.

Moggy was a champ, he is wasting his time playing for the Reds. He should be playing for the Storm and Origin.

Mr Football

Mister Evil Breakfast said...

G'day Mr Football,

WHO THE FUCK IS WILL ZILLMAN? Sorry, my caps lock got stuck. WHO THE FUCK IS WILL ZILLMAN? (now I'm yelling) Will fucking Zillman is the greatest football player ever. In history. And the future. You want to know who he is? Google "biggest legend in the universe" and you should hit his webpage. But you probably won't. He's the latest superhero to come from the might fucking Raiders. Look for him to be a bolter in next year's Origin.

Or this year, if he's from NSW.

Or last year, if he has access to a time machine.

Last I heard from Moggy, the previous owner of the greatest individual person ever, he was heading to France to show them how to play. I think it would be awesome to hear a French dude say "Mogg." Yeah.

The guy you're thinking of is Clinton Shifcofske (get a Frenchie to say that as well), who was a pretty good bloke himself, but was always jealous of standing in the shadow of Mogg.

The Shadow of Mogg. If that's not either Clinton's autobiography title, or the next Hobbit adventure, I'll buy a hat and eat it. And by hat, I mean a lamp. And by eat it, I mean turn it on.

In that way


Anonymous said...

My appologies, I got Shiffa and Moggy mixed up.

for those that are intrested, if you google "biggest legend in the universe" the first page is:

I was quite surprised that didnt appear. I thought surely some of my fans would have set something up.