Thursday, August 03, 2006

Stickers tell us where to pee

Mister Evil Breakfast's Canberra Appreciation Month (MEBCAM) continues, with a brief insight into some previously undiscovered treats of the 'Berra.

There is a club in Mawson (I'm not going to mention its name until it pays me royalties, but let's just say that it's expensive to drink at, but cheap to join) that holds what is without doubt the greatest monument in Canberra's rich artistic history. This CLUB that happens to be in MAWSON and whose name rhymes with MAWSON FLUB, has, amongst its awkwardly heighted bar stools and four-track repeat muzak disk, a puzzling piece of other-worldly goodness. I'm talking about this:

(I only just realised that I can put pictures on here, can you tell?)

This is a sticker. It's on a smoke detector. It's located directly above the urinals at this particular Mawson club. It is approximately 3cm x 1cm in size. It reads "URINAL", and has an arrow pointing to the nearest wall, which happens to be about 10cm in front of it. It is quite, quite useless. Yet entirely endearing. I love it and may marry it one day.
It's one of those things that you can't really appreciate properly until you have seen it for yourself, like a solar eclipse or an amusingly shaped zucchini. I can't help but wonder of its origins. The ceiling is quite high, so the person who put this sticker there would have to be around 7 foot tall. And the font is miniscule, so that giant would have to have good eyesight. And since it's pointing to the urinal already, the far-sighted giant is probably quite forgetful, so this sticker is to remind him where he is supposed to pee. My CSI-style re-enactment goes a little like this: Far-sighted Giant Man (Canberra's own superhero) has had a few too many over-priced drinks and stumbles into the toilets. He is about to just pee on the floor (something usually reserved for The Lighthouse or King O'Malleys) when he notices his reminder on the roof. "Ah yes," says Far-sighted Giant Man. "That is where I am supposed to pee." So he moves the few inches closer to the urinal and 'reveals his secret identity'.
Then he goes back to his seat and has a few more drinks, throws $20 in the pokies, nicks an ashtray and wanders home in time to watch a few rounds of "Quizmania".

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