The title of this week's blog is a quote from the greatest movie ever made about an FBI investigation into a group of surfing bank robbers, Point Break, starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. Don't worry about the remake, by the way, it's complete fucking rubbish. It's not even fun in a "so bad it's good" way, it's just shit from start to finish. When Gerard Butler doesn't want to be involved in a movie and chooses to do London Has Fallen and Hunter Killer instead, you know things are going to be bad. Fucking hell, it was really shit. Nothing about it was good, at all. Even the sky diving and wing-suit bits were fucked, how the fuck can you make travelling at a million miles an hour appear boring?! Not to mention Johnny Utah's ridiculous back story - an FBI agent who used to be a fucking motocross rider? It just makes no sense, especially since motorbikes weren't even used in the fucking movie!
I just need to take a break for a bit. I might lie down or watch Speed or something to take my mind off things for a while.
Ok. I'm all right now.
Sadly, Point Break doesn't reference rugby league at all, but the reference to "death on a stick" is quite an apt description of the current state of play when it comes to injuries at the moment. When it comes to playing professional contact sport, you expect the occasional injury - a concussion from an errant arm, a busted shoulder from a mistimed tackle on a bloke the size of a fridge, or a sore hand from scoring tries against the Broncos for nine weeks straight. This year the league has seen a huge number of injuries, ranging from the usual things like broken skulls to hamstring tears, but also a lot of anterior cruciate ligament (ACLs) - which is basically the bit that holds your leg together and is very handy when it comes to standing, walking, and in the case of certain Souths players, fly-kicking some blokes during a street brawl.
A lot of people are blaming the "six-again" rule for the spate of injuries due to the increased speed of the game, others are looking at the playing surface, some are questioning tackling tactics and techniques, players' fitness is being scrutinised, the playing schedule has copped some blame, a few people are also looking suspiciously at the Storm for being involved in it somehow. Basically, injuries will happen in sport. A lot of the time, it's an innocuous tackle, or a slight change in direction or shift in weight that just throws the whole fucking human body out of whack. Other times, it's an obvious one like a knee that bends backwards because you've got a walrus masquerading as a footy player jumping around on it. Welcome to 2020, the Year of Fuckedness; if you just make it through the season alive, you should be thankful. The NRL Grand Final is probably going to be decided by whichever two teams can actually produce 13 players, or provisions will have to be made to have wheelchairs on the field. At worst, allowances for two non-players to carry around another player Weekend At Bernies-style should be looked at.
Round 16
Parramatta Eels vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
The Eels have cooled off so much recently that they're in danger of catching hypothermia, while Souths are coming in like space blankets & sipping some hot water (just in case anyone reading this actually catches hypothermia). I think the Eels will lift for this game, but after spending so long idling in neutral, might find it hard to actually change up a gear. Note: if this happens to you, please take your car to the mechanic, as it might be a serious issue with your transmission. I'm tipping a Souths win, but it should be worth mentioning that all of my "upset" tips for a Thursday night have all been fucking horrendous lately.
St George Dragons vs Gold Coast Titans
With the Titans boasting a forward pack that I reckon I could knock over with a light nudge (I have been working out though; yesterday I did four pushups [on my knees] as I was looking for an M&M that rolled under the couch), St George should maintain their recent run of "form" and really give their fans a case of fuck guys, why didn't you win more earlier in the season when you were still a chance of making the finals-itis.
Sydney Roosters vs Brisbane Broncos
Those madlads in Brisbane finally did it - they pissed off their coach enough that he "walked" away from the job. I guess it's easy to walk away when someone has a gun in the back of your head (metaphorically, of course; although Tevita Pangai Jr might know a guy, if you do need someone to hold a gun to someone's head). FUN FACT: teams that get rid of their coach win 42% of the time the following week. I think that this game is going to be one of the 58% that goes the other way, just quietly, and the Broncs will be lucky if they only get 58 points put on them.
New Zealand Warriors vs Newcastle Knights
I don't think I could possibly overstate this enough: nobody cares. Newcastle, New Zealand, fuck it, it's the same place anyway, so I don't even see why this game should exist in the first place. Ridiculous.
Cronulla Sharks vs North Queensland Cowboys
Let me check my copy of "Guide to Tipping": Cronulla: pack of cheats and wankers. Don't let Shaun Johnson's jawline fool you, and don't get lost in his eyes. The Sharks are all terrible and shouldn't even be allowed in the competition. This guide is pretty spot-on so far. Cowboys: it's hard to determine whether they're worse at attack or defending, because they can't really do either. Doctors believe that the entire team may actually be allergic to grass and footballs, and shouldn't even be allowed in the competition. This is a great guide - oh wait, I wrote it. And it's on a McDonalds napkin. And soaked in beer.
Penrith Panthers vs Wests Tigers
I was contemplating a mahoosive upset in this game, as it's about time the Panthers clocked off for a while, and where they have lost a couple of strike weapons for this game, the Tigers have gained a couple back from injury and suspension and parole. I'm going to stick with the Penny Panthers, but only just and only because I don't really care that much.
Melbourne Storm vs Manly Sea Eagles
With Manly still licking their wounds from last week's hammering, along come the Storm to fuck them up some more. Oh wait, with Smith and Munster and probably a bunch of giant-fuck-off forwards as well. Well, I guess that's what you get for being Manly.
Canberra Motherfucking Raiders WOO vs Canterbury Bulldogs
Oh don't mind me, it's the game of the round - the NRL and rugby league world in general is frothing at the mouth to see this monumental match-up of 5th vs 16th. The Raiders should piss this one in, and if they don't they shouldn't even be in the competition.
No comments:
Post a Comment