NRL 2014 Round 23: The Grubs Don't Work

Are the fans beginning to vote with their bums on the state of the NRL this year?  And by that, I mean by attending games – you know, the whole “bums on seats” analogy.  Crowd sizes are down this year, with the lowest point coming on Monday night’s fiasco between the Roosters and whoever they played.  The Titans.  Yep.  The game itself was described by the media as a “decent game,” although no crowd members were available for comment… because THEY WEREN’T THERE.  There would have been more people selling pies than eating them.  The crowd figure of 4,500 would have been inflated by the number of players and officials who went through the turnstile.  The cheerleaders accounted for about 20% of the attendees.

Why?  Other than the fact that it’s the Roosters vs the Titans, why wouldn’t a top-four team be able to draw a crowd?  Surely there are enough faithful Chooks supporters out there who would be willing to watch “a decent game” of league?

Here’s why:  Monday night football is fucking stupid, no matter where you go or who you play.  Weekday games are never going to work.  It was nice of the NRL to give it a crack for a few years, but I think we can safely say that no one’s interested anymore.  It’s just lucky that this week they’ve deemed it to be a “good idea” to bung a game on Thursday night (that’s tonight).  If the NRL is seriously dedicated to not attracting people to their games, they should put on Tuesday afternoon matches that start at 2:30pm. 

The other reason is that the game is seriously full of dickheads, and no one wants to watch dickheads, regardless of their success.  The Canterbury Doggies are this week’s prime example.  After living la vida loca for most of the year, the wheels have officially come off the Bankstown Bandwagon, and I point a big, fat finger at Josh Reynolds. 

Jeynolds was picked in the NSW Origin team this year, following early success from the Dogs, and the fact that Mitchell Pearce was busy “helping police with their investigations” following an “incident” at a local “nightspot” with a “woman.”  To say that Jeynolds had no impact at all on the game would be going too far – the series was boring in that Paul Gallen and Greg Bird demanded the ball in the middle of the field and refused to pass it.  Queensland, being the inbred simpletons that they are, played a similar game.  I’m not sure why they didn’t, you know, play offense instead of run into a brick wall, but that’s by the by now.  Well done, NSW, you officially bored everyone to death to achieve a series victory. 

Since then, Jeynolds has been shit on stilts.  He was suspended for a shoulder charge following the snoozefest of Origin, and has been severely lacking since his return… until last week’s game against the Broncos, where he was cited twice for tripping and finally sent to the sin bin for a high tackle.  He then went into the naughty corner and continued to channel his frustration at not being good at football through his foot. 

To be fair, it was the best kick he’d landed all night.  #riseforchair

Somehow, the judiciary decided that it wasn’t all that bad, and downgraded his tripping offences to a “grade 2” and so he’ll only miss a ninja turtle handful of games. 

THAT IS FUCKED.  What the fuck is a grade two trip?  What do you need to do to get a grade five charge?  Gaffa tape some steak knives to your shoes?  Dig a small trench in the field and cover it up with leaves?  The less game-time that these fucking blights on sport receive, the better.  Fuck off Reynold, fuck off Ennis, fuck off Cam Smith.  Shut up, Toovey, fuck up Hasler and fuck you Farah.  Eat a dick Burgess (all of them), choke on a dick Hodges and cop a dick Matai. 

Get rid of em and let’s make rugby league interesting again. 

Round 23

Here’s hoping that Souths keep their good form from last week (nicely done, lads) and that the Bulldogs continue their downward spiral to keep the Raiders and the Sharks company at the bottom of the ladder.  I think the Cowbs are showing some of the best form they’ve ever had (like, totes, forever) and at this stage everyone should be all “oh shit man we have to play the Cowboys next Tuesday at 8 in the morning in a Hobart exhibition game and I can’t play because I have a broken… thing… and it hurts and I really don’t want to play because we’ll lose.”  Everyone else is by the books.

South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Brisbane Broncos

Parramatta Eels vs Canterbury Bulldogs

Melbourne Storm vs Cronulla Sharks

Wests Tigers vs Sydney Roosters

Newcastle Knights vs New Zealand Warriors

Gold Coast Titans vs Manly Sea Eagles

Penrith Panthers vs Nth Queensland Cowboys

Game of the Round

Canberra Raiders vs St George Illawarra Dragons

Lucky Canberra Appreciation Month is back in full-swing with the only game that any of the Raiders players actually wants to win at the moment – the hoodoo of the Dragons being unable to win in Raiders territory, a tradition that has been going on since the dawn of time since 2001 or something. 

If there has ever been a better chance for the Dragons to break the duck, it’s now.  The Raiders are playing rubbish, have a handful of injured players unavailable, and have Ricky Stuart guiding them.  The Dragons are playing moderately well, Benji Marshall is back to his average best, and Josh Dugan has only been arrested twice this month.  So basically, they are decidedly mediocre, which unfortunately for the Green Machine, will still be about 14 points too many.  

"Show me exactly where you touched her."