Friday, June 27, 2014

NRL 2014 Round 16: Bottoms up!

There's not a whole lot going on in league this week - to be fair, it is a long-standing Australian tradition to give absolutely no fucks about standard sport during the State of Origin series.  Plus there's some kind of soccer world cup going on where a bloke is eating everyone, and a tennis tournament that... is... um... on Channel 7.  Wimbledon is nonsense, I would rather watch soccer.  No I wouldn't - I'd just watch an episode of Home and Away that I taped during the week.  How good is that show?  It's the best.

Round 16 of the NRL is upon us, so there's only about 10 days til the next Origin match.  To get in the mood for the round this week, we need to find something other than team pride and personal tipping contests to make it interesting.  In true Mister Evil Breakfast fashion, we turn to the magic of alcohol.

This weekend, while watching the NRL (on free-to-air, glorious Standard Definition Channel 9):

- Whenever an ad for The Voice comes on - drink
- If you see advertising for KFC - drink (and eat KFC)
- If Gus Gould and Rabs Warren get into an argument - drink
- If that argument is about the pronunciation of a player's name - bonus drink
- If Ray Hadley says: 
  • kick to come 
  • wing three quarter 
  • acting half
  • loose head and feed

 - drink
- When the ref microphone picks up him telling teams to pack a scrum, and he says, "HEADS DOWN BOYS. HEADS DOWN. EVERYONE BIND," and no one does - have a drink
- If Joey Johns gets a bit too excited about something that Jarryd Hayne does - drink
- When Greg Bird does his "Greg Bird" face - finish your drink
- If you see a player who has made a poor facial hair choice - drink
- If a commentator manages to crack a boner about a player who is not playing the game that is currently on - drink 
- If that player is Hayne, Thurston, Slater, Smith or Inglis - bonus drink
- If that player is Sonny Bill Williams - finish your drink
- Every time Phil Gould refers to someone as 'a good young player' with a lot of potential -drink
  • If he's a Panthers player - bonus drink

- If Cronulla scores a try - drink
  • If Cronulla punch over a field goal simply to beat their current points drought - finish whatever's in your fridge

- During post-match interviews, when you hear a player say, "Full credit to the boys" - drink

Round 16

Manly Sea Eagles vs Sydney Roosters
Brisbane Broncos vs Cronulla Sharks
Wests Tigers vs Canberra Raiders
Nth Queensland Cowboys vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
New Zealand Warriors vs Penrith Panthers
Parramatta Eels vs Newcastle Knights
St George Illawarra Dragons vs Melbourne Storm

Drink up!

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