So basically we can all thank one person for this historic event: the woman in the yellow dress.
Without her divine intervention, Laurie Daley would have been a numpty like all of the numpties who have gone before him, and picked motherfucking Mitchell Pearce in the NSW team. The Woman In The Yellow Dress had other thoughts, and used a scientifically tested mixture of alcohol, goodlookingness and NRL mentality to lure Pearce into (a) trying to hook up with her, (b) trying to assault her, and (c) being told to “fuck off” by everyone.
Stroke of genius, Woman In The Yellow Dress. The world thanks you.
So Origin Game II was played and won by NSW, wrapping up the series for the first time since the Pyramids were trampled by a stegosaurus. Well done and all that to NSW, but let’s be seriously serious with each other here – it wasn’t a tip-top game by anyone’s standards, and would probably be best described as “I don’t understand what’s going on. I thought these guys were professionals?” The ball handling was non-existent, the passing game consisted of “pass once to the left and see what happens” and after the referees completely lost control of the game, it turned into a battle of face vs elbow in every single tackle. It did show how Jonathan Thurston reacts to frustration (grubby) and also how Cameron Smith reacts to Paul Gallen rubbing his grubby elbow in his face (grubbily) and how Greg Bird is all the time (grubby).
Most Origin players have been named as playing, but we all know that they probably won’t. They’ve all done way too much cocaine over the last three days that it’s really not safe for them to be doing anything physical lest their chest literally explode. Literally.
In ironic news, it appears that Brent Tate’s career could have ended with his last Origin match, as a torn ACL may have quashed any plans for an extension on his contract. I don’t know what the odds were on him ending his career to a leg injury instead of, you know, his BROKEN FUCKING NECK, but I do know that I lost $10 on Sportsbet.com.au from it.
New Zealand Warriors vs Brisbane Broncos
Cronulla Sharks vs Manly Sea Eagles
Melbourne Storm vs Parramatta Eels
Gold Coast Titans vs St George Illawarra Dragons
Newcastle Knights vs Nth Queensland Cowboys
Game of the Round
Canberra Raiders vs Canterbury Bulldogs
I would love to be able to say that I had faith in the Raiders. But that would be a massive lie. They have looked absofuckinglutely terrible this year, and Ricky Stuart came out this week claiming, “They’ll get worse before they get better.” Way to go, Rick.
Dogs by a fucking trillion.