The big news of the week was the story
of Knights player Alex McKinnon, who was taken in an awkward tackle by Melbourne
player Jordan McLean, and subsequently placed in an induced coma following the
revelation that he’s broken his neck.
There’s no joke in this paragraph, I’m just recapping the week’s main
story. I think we can safely assume that
McKinnon’s career has come to an abrupt halt, and I’m going out on a limb to
say that McLean may not want to come back to play again either; it’s not every
day that you break a man’s neck in a tackle.
Especially one that two other boofy blokes were involved in, and while
it wasn’t the world’s best tackle, it certainly wasn’t the worst I’ve seen
either, and probably didn’t deserve to end two careers. Bad week for people with a Mc in their
surname, huh? My Scottish cousin Mishter
Evil McBreakfasht is in some shit though.
Enough of that though, let’s tip
some games.
Round 4
Honestly, after three rounds you’d
expect to have some kind of idea about what’s going on this season, wouldn’t
you? Not this year, fuck no. The teams that are rubbish are beating the
teams that are good, the teams that are good aren’t actually good, the shit
ones are, and the others are undecided, except for a few who are shit, have
been shit and will always be shit. And
then there’s fucking Manly. It’s all
fucked, and it’s starting to hurt my brain.
Roosters v Manly is a dead-set
nut scratcher, and you have to work out why God would allow such a thing to
happen. A team with Mitchell Pearce in
it should never win, especially when he links up with Shaun Kenny-Dowell and
Sonny Bill Williams. But when they play
the Sea Eagles, there’s really nothing else you can do but curl up in a ball
and rock yourself to sleep.
Somehow the Dragons have managed
to scrape three wins together so far this year, with the Broncs dropping just
one game, despite being the team that has officially raised my eyebrows the
most this season. I can’t argue with my
eyebrow surprise, so they’re getting my pick to disrupt the Dragons’ run. Also, Josh Dugan is threatening to return
this weekend, so that will force a reshuffle for the Saints’ backline when he
leaves the field with an injury after fifteen minutes.
Battle of the Fuck Knows? goes to
the battle between the Tigers and the Warriors this week. Actually, that will be the Battle of the
Fucks Knows and Fuck Cares. Not me. But the Tigers, simply because I have to tip
someone.
Despite the Eels’ performance
last weekend (they still didn’t win), I don’t think they have it in them to
knock off the Penny Panthers, who I reckon will be dark horses (not literally,
you dickheads) to sneak into the top four.
The Doggies are hosting the Storm
in Perth, which which will suit the Storm, as they’re used to playing in
half-empty stadiums where the spectators don’t understand the game they’re
watching. If Cooper Cronk can get his
mind off the news that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have split up, and what
this means for Coldplay and Gwynny’s blog, they should go a long way to winning
this one.
The Knights vs the Sharks game is
threatening to be pretty exciting as well, as these two teams of extraordinary
athletes go head to head in what will surely be a highlight reel extravaganza
of… I can’t do it. This game will be
fucked, and is an unofficial challenge to work out just who is the shittest
team in the NRL right now. I’m going for
the Sharkies, even though the Knights team will be “doing it for Alex.” Sometimes just because you really want to
win, it doesn’t mean that you will.
Otherwise I would have won Lotto heaps and Natalie Portman and Emma
Stone would be popping over for a coffee in the morning.
Finally, we’ve got the Titans and
the Cowboys; one of whom scored an upset victory, and the other was upset last
week. I was also upset – not only did
both of these dickhead teams ruin my tips, but I also ripped a hole in the
bottom off my shoe, and then my foot got wet and I had to spend the whole day
with a cold, wet sock. It was fucked,
man.
Roosters vs. Sea Eagles
Dragons vs. Broncos
Warriors vs. Tigers
Eels vs. Panthers
Bulldogs vs. Storm
Knights vs. Sharks
Titans vs. Cowboys
Game of the Round
Rabbitohs vs. Raiders
Both of these teams lost last
week to teams that they would normally have on a crumpet, but they got done because they’re dickheads. They also managed to injure a few key
players, just for good measure. The
Bunnies did manage to get George Burgess off a shitty tackle charge (somehow –
I’m not suggesting anything, but I have it on good advice that Mrs Burgess may
have performed some sexual acts on several members of the judiciary), so they’ve got that going for them.
Fuck it, the entire Rabbitohs
team could be ruled out, and Russell Crowe had to play each position, and the
Raiders still wouldn’t fucking win. But
I still love them. Why is it always the
pretty ones?
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