It’s about this time of year that the NRL world stops following the game and concentrates on one thing: State of Origin. Those three fucking games in the middle of the year that create split rounds that cause headaches for coaches and punters that Queensland invariably win in any case don’t just dominate headlines, they overtake the whole fucking newspaper. Dickheads everywhere (and me) rub their chins thoughtfully to pick the ultimate team while players everywhere pledge allegiance to whichever state shows interest in choosing them to be a possible nineteenth man in a seventeen-man squad.
News this week is that Danny Buderus has been ruled out of contention due to an Achilles heel issue. To be perfectly Francine, the only person who would pick Danny Buderus to play for NSW is his mum, and that’s just because she “doesn’t like the look of that Robbie Farrah – he looks like one of those Italians.” Danny Buderus’ mum is quite racist, by the sound of it.
Toddy Carney should be picked as pivot for the mighty fucking NSW Blues – yes, he is (unfortunately) playing good football, but it’s more my hope that being given representative responsibility will cause Toddy to get on the piss, get in a fight, get caught having sex in an alley with a transsexual prostitute with a wooden leg, shit in front of a church, steal a car, sideswipe an RBT police van and crash into the back of a strawberry-scented glow-in-the-dark dildo delivery truck.
In news away from all things Blue and Purple, embattled Parramatta coach Steve “Ghost Chips” Kearney has been forced to bring his star signing Chris Sandow back into the team after dropping him for being a bit rubbish over the opening few rounds. I’m sure being a professional coach of a professional sports team filled with professional athletes and having professional assistant coaches and professional tacticians offer their professional advice is professionally hard, but if Kearney was going to drop players for being shit, I’d be next in line to strap on my boots for the Eels this week. Strangely, the decision to replace ordinary players with worse ones didn’t work, so Sandow finds himself back in the firing line this week. And fuck it, the Eels paid about a trillion dollars to buy him from Souths, so they might as well use him. Otherwise it would be like buying a movie ticket and opting to go to the pub instead.
Parramatta Eels vs Bulldogs
North Queensland Cowboys vs St George-Illawarra Dragons
New Zealand Warriors vs Brisbane Broncos
Gold Coast Titans vs Wests Tigers
Penrith Panthers vs Melbourne Storm
Sydney Roosters vs Newcastle Knights
South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Sharks
Game of the Round:
Manly Sea Eagles vs Canberra Raiders
So I went to the Raiders’ game last weekend, and I bought a bucket of “hot” chips for $5 and a sachet of sauce for 30 cents. That was my highlight; paying thirty cents for tomato sauce. I’m not going to Brookvale Oval this weekend to savour the condiments that Manly are offering up.
The Roosters have boosted their front row with the signing of an Isuzu ute