The entire population of Queensland was beating their collective chest and picking nits out of each other’s fur about the judiciary hearing, as the loss of “JT” (not Justin Timberlake) would have put a big ol’ stick in the spokes of the Origin tricycle. Without the Origin shield to display at Queensland HQ (the Big Gumboot in Tully), the Vancouver riots would have looked like a Teddy Bear’s Picnic, and I can assure you that the “Vancouver riot kiss” would have turned into an all-out Maroon-coloured orgy, with thousands upon thousands of misshapen Queensland babies born nine months down the track, all called “Jaytee” and born with shit-house angel wing tattoos.
But we don’t have to worry about freak zombie children from Queensland (too much), as Thurston was cleared of reckless behaviour (but not cleared of syphilis) and will take his usual place in the halfback position for QLD and the reverse cowboy position with Billy Slater’s wife.
The sounds of disgruntled grunts grunting from Queensland this week have otherwise overshadowed a fairly interesting looking round of fooseball – the Tigers and Bulldogs game should be evenly matched with the Tigers missing the firepower of Benji Marshall and the Doggies missing firepower; the Titans and the Sharks battle it out to prove once and for all who is the shittest team; and the previously top-of-the-ladder St George Illawarra Steel Dragons look to shake off a losing streak against the in-form Manly Warringah Northern Sea Eagles. I love a good merger that people forget about.
Tigers vs Bulldogs
Rabbitohs vs Broncos
Titans vs Sharks
Warriors vs Storm
Panthers vs Cowboys
Knights vs Roosters
Dragons vs Sea Eagles
Game of the round:
The Game of the Round was a hard one to pick this week, as the Knights and the Roosters would have been a good one to dissect (to be honest, I would have just talked about how shit Todd Carney is and why I don’t like him AGAIN), but the eventual winner of the prestigious award is the game between the Raiders (woo! RAIDERS!) and the Parramatta Eels.
Raiders vs Eels
Scoring 24 points in a game should be enough to win most league encounters, and is the exact amount that the Raiders have managed to rack up in the past two weeks before fucking out and finding a new way to lose a game of footy.
NOT THIS WEEK.
The Eels are a struggling team – their attack is predictable and shit (and predictably shit), and is done exclusively by Jarryd Hayne, while their defence is solid but has a weakness in that it is all done by Nathan Hindmarsh. According to my calculations, that leaves eleven blokes standing around saying, “Oooh don’t we look nice in our blue and yellow jumpers?”
Sure, the Raiders let Shaun Fensom handle all of their tackling, but they ensure that all thirteen players are involved in their offense, which consists of “the inside ball.” Strangely, the only people who aren’t ready for “the inside ball” are the Raiders’ support players, but I’ve got a good feeling that it’s going to work well this week, and that magic 24-point buffer will hold out nicely.
I also have a feeling that Natalie Portman is going to come over to my house and feed me Tim Tams while I watch Jurassic Park. If both of my feelings actually come to fruition, it will be a good weekend for all.
The Raiders are setting new standards in enthusiasm
MEB cumulative score: 62