As we head into summer, the TV networks all decide that they’ve worked hard enough in bringing us such inspirational programs like The Boss Is Coming For Dinner and Cops: LAC, so they go off the boil and put on any old rubbish to fill the 4am – 3:59am timeslot. The off-ratings period is a chance for us to see the same kind of shows that we’ve been watching all year, but with a worse cast and semi-retarded writers.
Here’s what we can look forward to on Aussie TV over the next few months:
Biel of Fortune – contestants spin Jessica Biel around on a wheel for no real reason other than people will watch Jessica Biel do pretty much anything.
Two and a Half Wendts – Jana Wendt stars in her long awaited television revival in this black comedy about a journalist and a cloning machine (includes Lotto results)
So You Think You Are Grant – contestants compete to be Australia’s best Grant Denyer look-alike and take over Grant’s busy television schedule.
SeaShane – drama series starring Shane Warne, Shane Lee, Shane Heal, Shane Crawford, Shane Bourne and Shane Watson as part of a community who discover how hard life can be when you’re called “Shane.”
Bana Man – animated series based on one man’s ability to turn into actor Eric Bana.
Law and Border – former Test cricketers Stuart Law and Allen Border are part of an elite detective squad who solve crimes in between commentating for Fox Sports and appearing at public speaking obligations.
Seal or No Seal – contestants guess whether the suitcase that they are carrying contains the body of soul singer Seal, or another celebrity.
Farmer wants a Fyfe – Hey Hey It’s Saturday cartoonist Andrew Fyfe tries his hand at farming, but still finds time to draw some shit.
Bondi Jett – martial arts star Jett Li shows residents of Australia’s most famous beach new ways to defend themselves against poorly made lattes and chicks with dogs in their handbags.
The Apprenticeship – contestants compete against each other for the chance to win a minimum wage job for four years.
The Doohan Transfer – motorcycle legend Mick Doohan and a panel of experts discuss the best ways to recover from a shattered spine.
How I Met You, Marcia – in this long-running sitcom, Australian Idol judge Marcia Hines is reminded about how the time a fan bumped into her at the shops.
Fran vs Wilde – The Nanny star, Fran Drescher, fights 80s pop star Kim Wilde.
Love Tim May – drama series surrounding former Test spinner.
Packed by the Rafters – Pat Rafter and his family help ordinary Australians to move house by loading their furniture into a removalist truck.
Undercover Ross – newsreader Ross Stevenson dons a false moustache and a wig to try and gain employment without anyone noticing.
Steady Eddie Cook – Australia’s favourite cerebral palsy suffering comedian turns his hand to cooking, with awkward results.
Roll on, winter months!