Thursday, February 12, 2009

should be there for one another

Harold Bishop has a large horn

It's been a fairly tumultuous time in Ramsay Street of late. Let's delve into the depths (something that the rescue people failed to do in their attempt to find Zeke) and see what's happening to our favourite people in the whole wide world...

Well, Bridgette is still pregnant; we know this because she mentions it in every sentence of dialogue. "Hey Didge, let's go swimming!" "But Declan, I'm pregnant!" "Anyone up for a movie?" "Declan, I can't just go to the movies, I'm pregnant." "Let's head down the General Store." "Just wait, I have to be careful of walking; I'm pregnant, you know!" She has also adopted the classic 'hands on belly' stance, and invites random people to feel the bub kicking. “You can feel it kicking, because I’m pregnant!”

Declan's been fairly quiet of late. Also, I've missed a lot of episodes, so I don't really know (or particularly care) what he's been doing.

Zeke is still missing; after a rowing competition at school camp (which occurred the day after Christmas, strangely), his boat capsized and all hell broke loose. After the wardrobe department found enough orange vests for everyone, it was classic Neighbours - everyone lending a hand, whether it was walking through the bush or making cups of tea for Carl and Susan. There was no sign of him on the hills surrounding the river; this may be because the traditional venue for rowing races is in a river. Rarely are they held out of bodies of water. It should be noted that it's been about a month since he went missing, and the first time his older sister Katya was informed of his disappearance (and death) was yesterday. She sent her condolences from wherever she was. Sad. So they had a bit of a memorial service for Zeke in the General Store of all places. I would have assumed it would have been in a church, or even at a house or park... but you should never assume when it comes to Neighbours. Whichever set is up when they’re filming, it’ll be used. Everyone at the memorial had their say of what Zeke meant to them; it was really quite touching, but more like how sitting on an unseen TV remote is touching, not like actual real emotion. Rachel tried to sing her song (more on that later) for him, but couldn't quite summon the voice to sing to her dead bro... enter Libby, who also has an amazing singing voice, yet is an awful mime. There's something about those Kennedy's - they're very musical. Even the adopted children.

Anyway, Zeke is not dead; he's still in the opening credits and Lucas and Elle saw his face in a street artist's portrait. If that's not proof enough, then I'm not a chainsaw-juggling pirate. Why Zeke has decided to run away (possibly just to the next street) instead of going home and not pretending that he's dead is an intriguing question. Also intriguing is why he decided to pose for a busking artist instead of, you know, buying food or something. He could have at least got a 6-inch meatball sub for the same price as having his picture done.

Susan, meanwhile, is cleaning out Zeke's room - better not wait for his corpse to go cold before you chuck out every reminder that he ever existed. Remember Stingray? No, neither does anyone else who lived with him. Ringo is still staying with Carl and Susan for some ungodly reason; the Ramsay Street peeps sure do move house a lot; although it's usually just to next door. Anyway, it's kind of creeping ol' Ringers out to be sleeping in the same room that belonged to his dead mate (which is fair enough), so has taken to kipping on the couch. Susan doesn't understand this. Stupid Susan. She also found a bunch of Zeke's photos of Ringo's hot missus, Donna, and shows them to Ringo. Stupid Susan. The photos were all from a distance, so it's fairly plain to see that Zeke had a crush on Donna and perved on her a bit. Stupid Zeke. Ringo fires up at Donna and is all "wah wah wah you had an affair with my little emo buddy!" Donna's all like, "Yeah, for sure. We were hot at it." Donna was being sarcastic, but it probably wasn't the time or place for it, and they broke up. Again. This marked the second time they broke up in a week. Stupid Ringo.

Meanwhile, Donna's estranged mum has moved in next door (of course) and is trying to bone every bloke in the street. She's not as hot as she thinks she is, and comes off as being the world's greatest slut, which has the world's greatest stud, Paul Robinson, fairly interested. It doesn't take much to get his interest though; he once shagged a doughnut. Donna's mum is just after his money, and isn't being too subtle about that. Donna smells a rat. Clever Donna.

Somewhere else, Rachel is busy being a popstar; despite only ever having played at the local bar once. Funnily enough, there was a talent agent in the crowd of six people (the others were Bridgette, Ringo, Declan, Zeke, Carl and Susan), so she did what anyone would do; offer a record deal after hearing her first and only song. Having any kind of talent in the Neighbours universe means immediate success; Declan and Ringo were both drafted by AFL teams after playing in the local comp for one season; Elle became a hot-shot journalist in the space of a week after writing a single story about goats (or something); Lucas is a photographer who did Rachel's publicity shots, despite his actual job being a mechanic/professional motorbike racer guy thing. I can't remember what's happened to our Rach, but I think her singing career is on hiatus following some guy telling her to lose weight but also possibly because of her brother's death. Probably more about the weight thing though.

Simone Buchanan is pregnant with Simone Buchanan’s ex-husband Dan's baby... or is she? She's not. Well, she's pregnant for the same reasons explained above (see Bridgette), but it's not Simone Buchanan’s ex-husband Dan's baby. Terrible floozy, that Simone Buchanan. She turned up out of the blue, preggers as a penguin on the same day of Simone Buchanan’s ex-husband Dan's wedding to Libby. Well excuse me, Mr Simone Buchanan's ex-husband Dan, but what's the go with the sudden switcheroo of wives? Within 6 months, Simone Buchanan's ex-husband Dan has tried to start a family with Simone Buchanan, divorced Simone Buchanan a week later, dated Libby, broke up with Libby, got back together with Libby, proposed to Libby, planned a wedding with Libby, didn't quite marry Libby, proposed to Libby again and planned another wedding with Libby. I don't like to use the words "rushing into things," but I think he's rushing into things. Simone Buchanan's ex-husband Dan is also a terrible actor.

Libby and Steph are fighting. I'm not sure why. It may have something to do with Steph hooking up with a married bloke, whose wife is on the Cancer Council team with her... but that shouldn't really annoy Libby. If anything, it would just be a smidge awkward for Steph and the other chick. Anyway, at one stage, Steph's kid knocked a filing cabinet onto himself and almost died - it took three adults to lift it off him. God only knows the strength of baby Charlie, who can somehow topple buildings in his spare time. I am still a bit lost as to the friendship status of those two... or three... or four. But Libby moved out of Steph's house (to next door, por favor) so you know they were fighting recently. You can always tell the strength of a relationship by how close they live to each other. If someone were to move to another street, they might as well be dead. Anybody who's anybody lives in the Ramsay. I’m sure at some stage Libby and Steph will fall into a plot-hole together and miraculously work out their differences.

There may or may not be some other stuff happening in this street of streets; Carl went through a breakdown over Zeke, Steve and Miranda are doing their best impressions of Steve and Miranda (they're not that good though) and Declan's mum is shagging his principal. Nice work, Mrs Declan's Mum - whatever it takes to get him to pass high school!

It's been a rollercoaster of emotions lately (mostly anger from me). Look out for Ringo hooking up with Donna's slutty mum, Donna's brother and sister moving next door, something else to get in the way of Simone Buchanan’s ex-husband Dan and Libby’s wedding, and a surprise piece of acting from Carl.

Oh yeah, and Harold has cancer. Poor old Harold. Poor old Lou.


Anonymous said...

Can we vote on how large Harold's horn actually is? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I haven't watched neighbours in ages (the ads are normally enough to keep me updated) but reading this update kicks arse over actually watching it.

Anonymous said...

Mr Football takes great pride in one of his disciples spreading the word.

Mr Football