Friday, June 23, 2017

NRL 2017 Round 16: Q. What do inside balls and books have in common?

A.  Queenslanders can't read either of them.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions for rugby league in the lead-up to, during, and the horrific crash following State of Origin.  New South Wales were jizzing in their pants about possibly winning a series, Queensland were jacking each other off about having some good players in their team for Game 2, commentators were fellating themselves about the prospect of Andrew Fifita running at Coen Hess, the fans were all chafed and sore at the thought of seeing Slater vs Tedesco, and everyone who was anyone was confused and naked about what Tim Glasby was doing there at all.

And in the end, NSW snatched defeat from the jaws of victory while QLD stood in a tightly-bound circle of maroon-coloured flesh, giving full credit to the fact that they are “from” Queensland, which gives them a weird sense of importance and achievement.  It has since been revealed that Darius Boyd broke his thumb, Jarryd Hayne is a fucking dickwit, Cooper Cronk is overrated, Mitchell Pearce still can’t play football, Valentine Holmes is a pussy , we’re still not sure why Glasby was picked, OH AND JOHNATHON THURSTON HAS BROKEN HIMSELF AND WILL BE OUT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. 
Yes, Australia’s champion of champions has well and truly fucked himself, his club, and his state.  Sure, playing footy with what looked like a dislocated shoulder is tough as fuck and his ability and strength to play on have giving him the honour of being named as a true hero with a heart twice the size of Pharlap’s who was cut from granite and kicked Thor in the dick for looking at him wrong, but… was it all worth it?  Have Queensland won the battle only to put themselves in jeopardy of losing the war?  Who will step up?  Milford?  Not likely.  Cronk?  I wouldn’t pick him to play himself in a midday movie about his own life.  I’ve seen octopuses with more grace on a footy field than him this year.  Munster is too raw to throw into an important game, and I don’t think that the world is ready for Corey Norman to be unleashed just yet.

To be honest, I don’t think it will matter who Queensland pick; without JT at the helm, they have no structure, no plan and (as we saw in Game 1), a complete lack of urgency.

Ah well.  Congrats to NSW on a series win. 

Round 16

Warriors 1.60 vs Canterbury 2.45  

Tigers 2.35 vs Gold Coast 1.62

What a fucking terrible double-header for a Friday night.  Why would they put four teams who are all in a race not to be the wooden spoon contenders on the same night?  We’re all still massively erect from Wednesday night’s State of Origin, and this is what they’ve given us as a follow-up?  BULLSHIT.  Go fuck yourselves.
I’ll still watch it, but.

North QLD 2.00 vs Penrith 1.85

Yeah I’m gonna go with the Pennies on this one.  I figure it’s about their time to shine.  And because they had less people involved in Origin.  And because of Josh Mansour.

Canberra Raiders WOO 1.56 vs Brisbane 2.50

You fucking useless Raiders had better win this one.  If not, stick a fucking fork in them, because they are DONE.  Imagine losing to the Bulldogs, Knights and an Origin-affected Brisbane Under 15 side all in the one fucking season.  It’s enough to make you say, “Well, I’m not going for them again next year” (but then you do).

Roosters 1.33 vs Melbourne 3.45

Another great move from the NRL to put another potential blockbuster on during Origin so that none of the drawcard players are there.  Even better, put the game on in Adelaide.  On paper, you’d expect a team without Slater, Cronk, Smith and Chambers to struggle, but I think an upset is very much on the cards here. 

St George 1.24 vs Newcastle 4.25

It will be interesting to see if St George can pull out of their mid-season nosedive, but that’s pretty much the only interesting thing that could come out of this game.

Cronulla 1.60 vs Manly 2.40

Cronulla might crack the shits and really fire up for this game, seeing as they were all shithouse on Wednesday night.  Dirty cheating Manly also have a fucking brilliant record against the dirty cheating Sharks, so this one could be mildly interesting, like watching a documentary about frogs.  

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