Welcome sportsfans to Round 19. I am slowly climbing the footy tipping ladder. Another 14 427 places to climb, and I will be in top position. And then you can all worship me like the god that I am. If I decide to let you. On the other hand, I could smite you down.
Sharks vs Manly
Well, since I hate Manly, I can’t tip them. The Sharks by 14. (But Manly will probably win)
Titans vs Bulldogs
The Titans were horribly thrashed by the mighty mighty Raiders last week. I don’t see much changing for them this time around. They may even get beaten by more. Dogs by at least 30. Ouch.
Panthers vs Dragons
Wow… here’s two underachieving teams wasting everyone’s time by playing each other. The Dragons have Gasnier back, which will no doubt give Penrith a boost, because he is quite possibly the most overrated player in the history of time. Can’t pass, can’t kick, can’t tackle. Better put him in the thick of things then. Hopefully he’ll play for 3 minutes, injure his left tit and that’ll be the last we ever hear of him again. Should be sweet. Panthers by 10.
Knights vs Roosters
Does anyone care? Knights by a bee’s dick.
Storm vs Raiders
The magnificent green machine kicked arse last week, led by the little terrier Alan Tongue. That guy is worth 40 points, as he proved last week in defence. With Will Zillman floating around the back, look for the Raiders to put on at least 30 points. Unfortunately, the Storm will put on at least 60. Poor Raiders.
Warriors vs Tigers
How good are the Warriors playing at the moment? To be honest, I have no idea, but I saw them a few weeks ago, and they looked shit-hot. Compare this to the Tigers, who were looking pretty ordinary (I last saw them in 1994) and it’s a clear cut decision. Warriors by 8.
Cowboys vs Souths
Every time I tip the Cowboys, they lose. So… Cowboys, by 16. (Go you Bunnies!)
Broncos vs Eels
Well well well. Dazza Lockyer is out, and Tonie Fucking Carroll is stepping up into the number 6 jersey. That’s kind of scary, really. It could either be the best or worst decision of all time. Ever. This could be a fairly poignant moment in the history of time, as Carroll decides to beat seven shades of shit out of whoever Parra have stuck opposite him. Still… Parra by 14.