Dear Channel 7,
I, like most dickheads, am a big fan of Lotto. The highlight of my sad, pathetic life is watching those little balls fly around the machine, and seeing them fall into the slots at the bottom. The people who host the show are very entertaining, and I love ‘meeting’ the panel of judges who are there to make sure there’s nothing untoward going on. I also quite enjoy seeing the “highlights package,” as I call it, during television shows. The bar across the screen with its rainbow of coloured balls fills my miserable heart with an emotion I can only assume is glee.
I was especially pleased last night to see that the “highlights package” appeared across the screen during a television show called ‘Heroes’. The scene in which it appeared was during an important exchange between two Japanese characters, who do not speak English, so sub-titles were a necessity. To have their dialogue completely hidden by the all-important Lotto results was almost too much for me to bear, and I had to change my underpants and do another Scotch-Guard of the couch. The Lotto results are the BEST! I don’t even buy tickets, I am just impressed by colour and movement.
It’s also great that I love Jamster commercials, who charge you hundreds of dollars to get the ‘latest’ pop song ringtone on your mobile phone. Sometimes you just can’t have enough Gwen Stefani and Justin Timberlake. I am glad that the Lotto results don’t interrupt these commercials, even if they are on three times in a single ad break.
Perhaps next week, you can run the Lotto results being drawn for an hour instead of showing ‘Heroes’. I am pretty sure no-one watches it anyway.
Spanknuts McSpazwank, Tasmania
Dear Channel 7 fucktards,
I don’t speak Japanese. Sorry. But thanks for putting the fucking Lotto results over the subtitles in Heroes last night. It has urged me to learn the language, cause I know you fuckers are going to do it again.
Burn, you bitches.
Mick (via email)