NRL Round 12: Underneath the Bunker

During the coronavirus break in this year's season, it was decided that to limit the risk of COVID transmission, the number of fun police (the referees) would be halved, and the two-ref system would be scrapped in favour of having just the one whistleblower on the field.  Obviously it's the refs who are responsible for spreading the plague, not the 34 other blokes wrestling with each other in the mud.

The NRL also announced that they were pumping a couple of million dollars into improving the "Video Referee Bunker", which is basically just a fancy name for "video ref", who is invariably called on every six minutes to make sure that every player and their mums on every play in every game ever has adhered to the NRL rulebook, the Bible, the Quran, The Game, The Ring, and The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  Everyone thought that improving the video referee would be a good idea; let's get some fucking NASA technology, a continuum transfunctioner, and a flux capacitor to determine angles and velocity and a fucking slow-motion button. 

In hindsight, $2 million does seem like a lot of money to spend on improving a plasma tv and a remote control, doesn't it?  I bet the rest of the money went to ensuring that the Trbojevic breeding program continued, or the Jack Bird RoboCop rehabilitation centre or something.

And the improvements have not really been evident this year; the video ref still uses the same television replays that we had before, the same cameras and microphones, the same red and green buttons.  The only discernible difference is the name "video ref" has been changed to "the bunker", which may have cost $500,000 on its own.  The rest of the cash was probably spent on a comfy couch and a fooseball table, as well as those really expensive crackers that they have next to the deli at Coles and those dips that are like $5 each and are also pretty good.

$2 million and they still can't tell the difference between Josh Morris or Brett Morris.  Fuck it, they can't even tell the difference between Maika Sivo and Junior Paulo.

Round 12:

St George Dragons vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

The Bunnies have been looking pretty good this year, until they actually get within sniffing distance of the tryline, and then they forget who they are and what they're doing. Don't be surprised to see Cody Walker start patting his pockets to try to work out where he put his car keys whenever they get close to scoring. Silly Cody, they're on the little side table next to the front door.

Wests Tigers vs NZ Warriors

The Kiwis shocked everyone by coming within a bee's dick of upsetting the Roosters last week.  They didn't, but at least they came close.  The Tigers are about to embark on a really testing leg of their season where they play the entire top-eight of the ladder in succession, so they will need some momentum, confidence and at least one hobbit from this game.

Brisbane Broncos vs Cronulla Sharks

Oh you Broncos.  The best part of the NRL is their obsession with giving Brissy every fucking free-to-air game available, so we can watch their official decline into Shitsville (Logan) in real-time.  The Sharks are specialists at playing well against the good sides and falling into a heap against the teams they are expected to beat.  As a result, they will probably win by only 30 points.

Sydney Roosters vs Gold Coast Titans

The Titans will be full of confidence with a couple of mid-week high-profile signings.  Unfortunately, they are for next year and it won't really mean anything for the current team.  Sucked in, losers.

North Queensland Cowboys vs Canberra Fucken Raiders WOO

The Raiders are flying high after some tough-as-fuck games in recent weeks, and despite a rising injury list, have seemingly righted their sinking ship.  This will be a tough game, as they don't have a great track record against the Cowboys, especially in Queensland, but even more alarming is that they've named Curtis Scott in the team again. 

Manly Sea Eagles vs Penrith Panthers

Oh fuck I don't know.  The Panthers have been playing okay recently, nothing to write home about though.  "Dear mum, Hope you are well.  We played footy tonight, it was ok.  Love Nathan"  Meanwhile, the Sea Eagles are providing up and downs like a yo yo on a bungee cord stapled to a see-saw.  I'll tip the Choccy Soldiers, but only because I like the term "Choccy Soldiers" even though it's hardly relevant anymore.  Choccy Soldiers.

Canterbury Bulldogs vs Parramatta Eels

The Bulldogs will be praying for rain again, as they showed up a rusty Knights team last weekend.  This one could be played under water and I don't think it would make a difference though.

Melbourne Storm vs Newcastle Knights

Should be a foregone conclusion based on recent form, ladder position, players, injuries, weather conditions, haircuts, tattoos, coaches, uniforms, mascots and facial hair.  Cam Munster and Ryan Papenhauzen win most of those by themselves anyway.

Fun fact: Blake Ferguson can smell around corners