NRL 2020 Round 13 - A few of my favourite things, Part 1

There's a reason that watching sport has been popular for thousands of years, whether it was admiring how far Ugh the caveman from the next clan over could throw a rock, to Gladiatorus the Gladiator wrecking cunts with his spear in the gladiatorial arena, or simply seeing Usain Bolt get fucking motoring down the 100m stretch.  It's the simple notion of someone doing something unremarkable, and making it remarkable, and then watching them perform for our entertainment.  The same could be said for reading a great book, watching an amazing film or play, observing a grand-master chess player, viewing a painting or other things that Sims do.

Rugby League is no different.  As a game, it's just 26 blokes running into each other for 80 minutes, but underneath that, there are infinite cogs working to create a strategy to play out a spectacle.  There are big men doing big man things, quick men doing quick man things, guys who could tackle a rhinoceros if they needed to, all working as one organism to carry a ball forward.

In this first of however-many-it-takes-when-I-can't-think-of-things-to-write-about, I will look at my favourite parts of the NRL and why I love it.

After every tackle, the player in possession of the ball must "play" it, by placing it on the ground and rolling it backwards with their foot to an awaiting player, and the ballet starts anew.  It's a pretty simple task that most players are able to successfully complete about a million per cent of the time.

Sometimes though, it's nice to see the wheels come off, and remind us all that despite how much time these players invest in training, discipline, practice, fitness, dropped charges, out-of-court settlements and preparation, they are still just unremarkable humans.

I love it when a player is tackled and wrestles with his tackler for a bit, humps the ground for a while, manages to stand up to play the ball and has to wait for another player to arrive to pick it up.  Even better is when he plays it without checking first, and there's no one there. Even better than that is when he plays it backwards, towards the opposition.

A glorious moment in the 2020 season that probably won't make too many highlight reels, but it's in contention for my own personal Play of the Year.

Round 13

St George Remember the Steelers? Me either vs Sydney Chooks

An interesting match to kick off round 13 (lucky for some), as these two evenly-matched teams (the Roosters fielding a reserve-grade team due to injuries, and St George at full strength) go at it.  The once-high-and-mighty Roosters have not been traveling well lately, scraping through the last few weeks with very unconvincing victories against some pretty ordinary opponents.  The Dragons, on the other hand, have been looking much improved of late, even during last week's collapse.  The Roosters have shockingly dropped their halfback and current NRL point-scoring champion Kyle Flanagan, putting my SuperCoach team into complete fucking disarray, and reason #4,072,926 as to why I hate them.  If the Chooks can latch onto the fact that St George's only attacking weapon is a 70kg fullback, they'll go close to winning this one.  

Manly Seagulls vs NZ Once Were Warriors

The Warriors are rank outsiders for this match, but I wouldn't write them off.  Manly are boasting a team with a high-school level backline, and have been serving up absolute durge the last few weeks.  I wouldn't be surprised to see an upset on this one.  So, if I'm expecting an upset, that probably doesn't make it an upset at all.

South Sydney Russell Crowes vs Brisneyland Donkeys

There's nothing like a leaked sex tape to really spice up a match.  Just as the Broncos were starting to show a hint of form, based largely on the on-field performance of Kotoni Staggs, the young Bronco has had his knob and foot fetish released for the world to enjoy.  I'm hoping that the on-field microphones can pick up some sledges from this match, or at the very least for Andrew Johns to inject a bit of foot humour into the commentary.  1 drink for any reference to "foot in the mouth", "showing some toe", "tiptoe" "Kotoni Staggs of the Brisbane Broncos enjoys sucking women's toes while filming himself having sex" or "clean pair of heels".  Honestly, feet are fucking disgusting, and anyone involved with them is just as gross.  

Oh, and go Souths.  Please keep the "Broncos are shit" memes alive.

Smellbourne Strom vs Canterbury Tales

If there was ever a chance for Melbourne to sit out Cameron Smith to see what the future will look like, you might as well do it against the Bulldogs.  It really won't make much difference, but it will give the commentators someone else to give a verbal handjob to for performing the most basic aspects of rugby league. 

Newcastle Nights vs Balmain Tigers

The Knights have provided a backline with the most interesting names in the competition.  Compare the Tigers back five of Adam, David, Joseph and Tom to Newy's Starford, Gehamat, Enari, Kalyn and Hymel.  Based purely on this statistic (does that even count as a statistic?), Newcastle will canter home.

Riff Panfers vs Canberra Motherfucking Giant Slaying Raiders

The Panthers looked the real fucking deal last week in the first display of awesomeness that I've seen them perform this year, and provided a massive "wake up and look at us, fuckers" to the rest of the comp who are all dribbling about Tedesco and Papenhuyzen.  The Raiders have shown a ton of grit and determination the last few weeks, but unfortunately this is not a game based on either grit nor determination, so they might need to rack up a few points instead.  As a loyal Canberra supporter, I will tip them for the win publicly, and tip against them in an actual competitions for points.

Sunshine Coast Titans vs North Quoinsland Cows

The battle for QLD supremacy is on.  Ultimately, no one is the winner, and especially not us, because we will end up watching it and wondering why, and how.  Reckon the Tits might get up here, based on absolutely nothing but a gut instinct from eating questionable Mexican leftovers that I can not remember putting in the fridge.

Cronulla Sharps vs Whatsamatta Eels

Parramatta looked unbeatable early in the season but have tapered off to a plateau you could use to cut Kevin Naiqama's hair.  This will be a great game for them to regain some form and put a smidge of effort into, as Cronulla haven't looked completely useless lately and have found themselves inside the top eight.  The Sharkies welcome back Matt Moylan for his monthly visit to the field, before he heads back to his usual bed in the Pissweak Ward at the Sutherland Hospital.