NRL 2018 - Round 25

Lucky last regular round of the season.  For half of the competition teams, it means they get to start their summer holidays early, like when you were in high school and you finished your exams before your friends because you did useful subjects like drama and art, while they had to study for an extra week for that precious "English" grade, as if their going to use that ever.

Big news in the league this week is that Cronulla have cheated the salary cap. This is such a huge shock to me - I wouldn't have thought that a team who had previously used illegal performance-enhancing drugs would be involved in such a scandal, especially if that team had ten representative players.

Round 25

Operation “Get Manly the Wooden Spoon” has not been entirely successful.  In order for the Sea Eagles to claim their inaugural last-placed award, the Broncos will have to smash the absolute fuck out of Manly (just for good measure), and the current last-placed team, the Parramatta Eels, will have to defeat the second-placed Roosters by at least 52 points. 

It’s not looking good.

South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Wests Tigers

As the old saying goes, "Beware the team with nothing to lose". The Bunnies would normally piss this one in, but their recent form has been shithouse and I wouldn't be surprised if they manage to fuck up the unfuckupabble.

NZ Warriors vs Canberra Raiders

Some would say that the Raiders are at that stage of the season where they are completely indestructible, others would say that the Raiders are heading to New Zealand with the full intention to get on the piss, get loose AF, get some tribal face tattoos and fuck a sheep.  Footy will come a distant second to some off-field hijinx.

Melbourne Storm vs Penrith Panthers

Melbourne could wrap up the minor premiership with a win, and it couldn't come against a team looking more lost than the Panthers. Even Billy Slater couldn't be fucked turning up to farewell his fan for his final home regular-round game.

Newcastle Knights vs St George Illawarra Dragons

Alright, let's give the Dragons one last victory for nostalgic purposes, then they can make like a censor and get the fuck out of there. My prediction last week about Ben Hunt regaining form may not have been entire accurate.

Gold Coast Titans vs North Queensland Cowboys

The Johnathan Thurston jerk-off tour continues, and I wouldn't put it past the Titans to ruin his send-off appearance. The Cows might have saved their best for last week, and no one is ever sure what the Titans' best actually is.

Parramatta Eels vs Sydney Roosters

It's clear that teams have figured out the way to beat the Roosters.  No expansive play, get your completions near 90%, take every penalty kick you are given and attack the wings and hope for a Tupou or Ferguson error to give you a try. Cowboys, Raiders and the Broncos all did it, but I'm not convinced that anyone at Parra was paying attention.

Canterbury Bulldogs vs Cronulla Sharks

Will a tumultuous week put the Sharks off their gold-laced steroids enough for the Doggies to upset them? Probably not. Still, wouldn't mind seeing everybody's new hero Reimus Smith run past Val Holmes for a try or two.

Brisbane Broncos vs Manly Sea Eagles

How sad is it that the Broncos are currently the form team in the NRL? Trust me, it's sad. How the fuck did that happen? A team with Boyd, Milford, Thaiday and Kahu shouldn't even be legal. I blame the rest of the NRL for allowing this to happen.