NRL 2018 - Round 23

Following last week's shock hooking of Penrith coach Anthony Griffin, other clubs have gotten in on the act as well, hoping that it will inspire their team the way that the Panthers came back against the Titans to notch up an important win.  I reckon the Raiders should start firing all kinds of people during the game.  Get rid of a couple of the head coach, trainers and physios by half time, then show the door to cheerleaders, mascots, Blake Austin and at least one assistant coach during the second half.

The Manly Sea Eagles got in quick with a press release which basically said, "We have no news. Stay tuned!" and then they followed that tantalising announcement with a press conference in which they stated the same thing, but to a room full of journalists.  I can't wait for the next instalment of "Because Fuck Manly, That's Why."  We all know that coach Trent Barrett is going to get the chop, and no one cares, so why prolong the inevitable?  

It might as well say that "Trent has the full support of  the Manly board"

The Broncos then decided that they wanted a bit of the "our coach is fucked too, hey" trend in the NRL and are at loggerheads with old man Wayne Bennett.  I'm not sure if it's a good idea to piss off the Grim Reaper, but I'll let Brisbane handle that for themselves.  At this stage, it's difficult to determine whether Brissy are trying to piss Bennett off, or if Bennett is trying to piss off the Broncs, but in the end I don't think it really matters; the important thing is that Brisbane are shit.

In fact, Brisbane are in that much trouble that they are actually looking forward to getting Jack Bird back from injury.  This is the same Jack Bird who has a McDonalds credit card attached to his contract, who doesn't actually have a position in the team and single-handedly lost two games in his eight appearances for the Horsies this year.  

Assuming Jack is on $800,000 per year as was reported, here's a brief rundown of his value to the Broncos in 2018:

- 636 minutes played, equating to $1,257 per minute.  

- 415 running metres, or $1,927 per metre.  Note that Jason Taumalolo knocked up 221 metres in just one game last week.  

- 140 tackles for $5,714 per tackle.

- 13 tackle breaks @ $61,538.

You're worth every penny, Jack, you fat fuck.

Round 23

Brisbane Broncos vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

Souths were back to their shitty best last week and contributed to fucking up my tips (along with every other fucking team), with Sam Burgess forgetting the first part of his game plan:  (don't) drop the ball.  The Broncos have had a pretty bad week so let's hope that it keeps going downhill for them and they slide out of the finals.  It's also nice to see that both teams have opted not to play with a fullback for this game, with Darius Boyd slotting into the #1 jersey for the Broncs and Dane Gagai taking over for Souths.  

Manly Sea Eagles vs Gold Coast Titans

This game could produce 90 points, 0 points, both teams could win by a lot, both teams could scrape in a victory, it could produce some amazing play or it could be used as an educational tool about what might happen to you if you don't finish high school.  

Melbourne Storm vs Parramatta Eels

Oh hey Parra, nice of you to turn up last week and destroy a top 4 team by forty points.  I mean, it's not like that sort of form would have been handy for the last 20 rounds or anything.  Melbourne will probably come out swinging in this one, because they were thoroughly embarrassed by a team with Matt Moylan and Josh Dugan in it last week.  

Penrith Panthers vs Newcastle Knights

Gotta go for someone, right?   

Wests Tigers vs St George Dragons

I actually don't think the Dragons will win again this year.  They were absofuckinglutely untouchable at the start of the season, but have fallen in a heap unlike anything we've seen since they did the same thing at the same time last year.       

Cronulla Sharks vs Nth Queensland Cowboys

It wouldn't surprise me if the Cows get up again this week.  I'm not tipping them, but it just wouldn't surprise me.  They are playing very no-nonsense footy right now and are concentrating on just completing sets and moving the ball forward.  For those playing along at home, Paul Gallen needs just three more losses to be crowned "Biggest Loser" for an NRL career.  I can't think of a more deserving player.   

Canterbury Bulldogs vs New Zealand Warriors

I am about as confident in picking this game as Con the Confidant, who despite his name, was not confident at all, and was renowned for his lack of football tipping prowess.  Also, he had a drinking problem and a pretty bad home life.  So... you know.  Things weren't great for Con.      

Canberra Raiders vs Sydney Roosters

Sometimes it's nice just to appreciate the fact that Canberra even has a team.  So that's what I'm going to do as I watch try after try after try go against us this weekend.  The Roosters could rack up a golf score here.  You mean a cricket score?  You've never seen me play golf, have you?