NRL 2020 - Round 4: "THE BEST THING ABOUT THE NRL IS THIS BLOG"

The coronavirus quarantining rules have affected our daily lives in ways that I don't think anyone had anticipated; there was that weird toilet paper shortage between April and May, the "I can bake my own fucking bread thank you very much" trend, and the "argh I don't have a job anymore" issue.  Of course, there was also the "oh look, we can use our leftover masks from the bushfires last month" fad and the "argh I'm seriously dying" craze that swept the country for a while.  In between using single socks to wipe our asses and disinfecting individual Rice Bubbles before eating them, we also lost the ability to leave the house to do pretty much anything - go to the pub, go to the movies, go shopping, and most importantly, go to the footy to yell abuse at Josh Dugan, as everything closed down, including stadiums.  The Roosters reported no difference to their playing experience, with captain Boyd Cordner noting that "the atmosphere was electric", and he thanked the crowd for coming out by signing an autograph for coach Trent Robinson, and posing for several selfies with halfback Luke Keary and the Morris twins.

The NRL took their social distancing and cleanliness measures pretty seriously; the Titans' defense refused to go within 1.5metres of anyone, the Burgess brothers finally had an excuse as to why they handled the football like a wet bar of soap, and the Broncos finally had a reason not to accept the invitation to Darius Boyd's Tupperware parties.  Souths' supporters' teeth finally felt like they were doing the right thing.

With no crowds available to fill Latrell Mitchell's pockets, the NRL had to look elsewhere for revenue, and have opened up the empty stadiums to the supporters of the game to fill with life-sized cardboard cut-outs - all for the low-low price of $22.  Unfortunately, St George coach Paul McGregor misread the memo and instead opted to fill his team with cardboard cut outs for the opening three rounds.  The under-fire coach has reportedly been given a three-game timeframe in which to turn the Dragons' season around, with former Sharks mentor and part-time drug pusher Shane Flanagan ready to step into the role.  If that happens, look for a late run for the Red V to make a push for the finals, win Ninja Warrior and rob a servo.

And the crowd goes mild

Round 4

Broncos vs Roosters

The Broncos have not looked great this season, which warms the cockles of my heart like you wouldn't believe.  They have opted to put in the youngest team in premiership history to take on the experience of the Roosters tonight, and let's hope (for once) that the Chooks put them through the ringer and destroy their confidence, careers, prospects and any chance of reproducing for years into the future.  Just saying.

Panthers vs Warriors

Everyone loves an underdog story, and the Warriors are about as underdog as you could possibly be, without actually being... um... a dog... that's, you know, under... I guess.  We all wish our Kiwi cousins the best, but we also secretly hope that they lose, but maybe only by a couple.  

Storm vs Rabbitohs

If the Storm looked underdone last week, it's fair to say that the Rabbits looked raw as fuck, and if someone served me that in a restaurant, I'd probably send it back.  Unless it was a sushi restaurant and someone explained to me that it was meant to be raw, in which case I'd probably order something else.  

Eels vs Manly

A lot of experts (aka people who are not me) are tipping the Eels to challenge the premiership this year, but I think the dirty Sea Eagles are a dark horse - not literally of course, I know what a fucking eagle looks like, and I know they are very different to horses.  I'm tipping an upset, and when it comes to picking Manly to win, you know I'm very, very serious.

Cowboys vs Sharks

Christ, I don't fucking know.  Or particularly care, to be honest.  It might be mildly interesting to see how Valentine Holmes is treated by his ex-teammates, but I'm imagining it to be how all inmates react when they see someone they know.  I'm tipping Sharks, but that depends on Matt Moylan injuring himself early in the game, or during warm-up.

Raiders vs Knights

Go you Raiders.  Fuck yeah.  And it seems like we'll have to do it all without John Bateman, whose head is in Canberra, heart is in Wigan, wallet is in Bankstown, and a shoulder coming in from Taiwan any day now.  Kaylyn "Pretty Sure I Misspelled That" Ponga is back from suspension, and carries on his scrawny little shoulders the hopes and dreams of the Novacastrians.  Here's hoping we fucken crush em like ants.

Titans vs Tigers

Tipping NRL 2020, lesson #1:  Tip against the Titans at all times.

Bulldogs vs Dragons

This is what we get for having two public holidays in a row.  They said life wasn't meant to be easy, and this game is living proof.  What a sad state of affairs.  Go Dogs, but only because I fucken hate the Dragons right now, and I have a minor crush on Lachlan Lewis.  I know all he can do is put up bombs, but he just does it so relatively adequately that I can't help but admire him.  Sportsbet have got Kieran Foran shattering his pelvis before halftime at $8, which I just can't go past.