On very rare occasions though, they get something right. And in this case, it's a change in the rules to the NRL.
In order to stop cheating teams like Melbourne from cheating so obviously by slowing the game down so old man Cameron Smith could keep up with the play, instead of awarding a penalty, it was decided that a "ruck infringement" would instead just nullify the tackle count to the attacking team, and play would continue.
To put it in context, if James Tedesco makes a break (which he does) and gets tackled (occasionally) by Cameron Munster (illegally, most likely), Munny used to be able to lie around on top of Teddy like a fucken horny lazy walrus until his team could recover their defensive positions for the next play. On occasion, the ref would say "oi Munster, that's too long (that's what she said)," and he'd blow a penalty to the Roosters. Meanwhile, Cam Smith would stop there and discuss with the ref about how Boyd Cordner did exactly the same thing about ten minutes ago, not only that, but how can you tell the Morris twins apart, and what do you think you'll have for dinner tonight? The game has, in essence, completely stopped while old man Smith complains to the ref about how his grandkids don't visit any more.
The new rule means that the game doesn't stop, so the defending team can't have a quick rest and Smith can't distract the ref about why Dire Straits was the last great rock n roll band. The ref doesn't even give a reason for the restarted tackle count; he just rings an air raid siren, which probably gives Smith a few flashbacks. NRL teams being NRL teams, have found ways to try and bend the rule, by being dickheads early on in the tackle count so a restart is only another extra few defensive plays. I would counter this by making each restart cumulative; so if it's only the second tackle and you get another set, you should have ten tackles. Another infringement on the third, and you've got yourself thirteen tackles.... and fuck, I've just invented rugby union. Never mind, forget this entire thing. Stupid refs.
An intriguing weekend of football awaits us.
Round 6
Newcastle vs Broncos
The Broncos dared to show a smidge of promise last week, until a couple of questionable refereeing decisions and some trademark shithouse Brisbane play quashed the hopes and dreams of the Queensland faithful in the most beautiful, perfect way possible.Souths vs Warriors
The Warriors could spring an upset with this game; on their day, they have the firepower and unpredictability to knock off any team in the league. Of course, on its day, a rhino could come to my house and become my crime-fighting best friend too. With Souths star recruit Latrell Mitchell starting to cash his hefty pay-cheque (imagine getting paid by cheque though, seriously), it's unlikely that the Warriors or Igby the Rhino are going to do much of anything this weekend.Penrith vs Storm
I'm not rating the Panthers' chances here. They don't trouble too many teams over 80 minutes; they've failed to defend a 10-point lead twice already this year, and looked very unconvincing in going down to a pretty ordinary Parramatta side last week. Halfback Nathan Cleary complained that he was being sledged over his viral TikTok video. He fucking complained. About being sledged. Because TikTok. Let that sink in for just a moment, while the rest of the world contemplates things that actually merit worrying about.Gold Coast vs Dragons
I have a son who is almost three years old. I'm going to record this game for him, so that when he comes to me when he's fifteen and announces that he isn't going to finish school and wants to play NRL instead, I'm going to show him this game and say "this is what happens to all the kids who thought they could play NRL for a living." I figure that will scare him into straight A's and he'll graduate top of his school, get a degree, play professional footy for a bit and then take over captaincy of the Australian Cricket Team before he wins the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature.Tigers vs Cowboys
This game is like the orange snakes of the Allens Assorted Lolly Bag - no one goes specifically looking for an orange snake, but when you pull one out (with spearmint teeth), you're pretty indifferent about the situation.Roosters vs Eels
The Roosters are looking shit-hot after last week, but let's not suck them off just yet - they were only playing the Bulldogs. In any case, this game will be a good chance to see how both teams are actually traveling this year - I reckon the Eels are going to get done, but will come back a better team for it, and sometimes, self-improvement is all we can really ask for.Raiders WOO FUCK YEAH GO RAIDERS vs Manly
The Raiders were actually a smidge lucky to get away with a win last week (we'll still take it though), and will need to play a whole metric fuck-ton better against Manly this round, who always manage to lift to another level against the Green Machine, like the fucken pricks that they are. It will be interesting to see if Curtis Scott tries to punch on with Dylan Walker again, which is about as interesting and useful as Curtis Scott gets these days; not sure what the Raiders paid for him, but I hope he's still under warranty.Cronulla vs Bulldogs
I have a daughter who is 1 year old. I am going to record this game for when she comes to me when she is fifteen and announces that she thinks NRL players are hot. I will show her this game and ask "are they still hot now?" while they run around shitting themselves on the field, laughing about it, dribbling spit down their chins and wiping snot bubbles on their matted arm hair. After that, she will probably move to a cave in the Himalayas just to ensure that the chances of her meeting someone involved in any way with this game are at an absolute minimum. |
| Jack Wighton is a peg leg and a hook away from going full-pirate. |
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