Hi everyone, Mister Evil Breakfast is back to cover all
things NRL – sorry I missed a few games; I was taking a relaxing cruise (thanks
to my sponsors at the Ruby Princess) following a bat tasting / sex tour (you know
how those things go) of China. I came back
feeling a bit off, to be honest, but I didn’t want to let a little bit of a
cold get in the way of my hectic social life, so I made sure that I went out to
see people every day; the worse I felt, the more people I visited.
I feel much better now, especially after I went to see Bryce
Cartwright’s doctor wife for some medical advice, followed by Bronson
Xerri’s doctor for a booster shot. After
a quick jog around the earth and bench-pressing Anthony Milford after his 11am
Maccas run, I feel great.
Bit fucken good to have the NRL back again, innit? It’s kind of strange to feel like Phil Gould
on Origin night when it’s actually just the opening of Round 3, but after a tough
isolation period (right, Nathan Cleary?), we will take whatever we can get.
As I have only just remembered my blog password (note to
self: it’s latrellmitchell19$10m)
and I deadset thought the footy started tomorrow, I’d better crack on with some
predictions.
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NRL Round 3 2020
Broncos vs Parramattas
My mind is fuzzy (I visited Josh Dugan on the weekend), but
I’m pretty sure the last time these teams met, the Broncos were on the wrong
end of a 58-point shemozzle. Here’s
hoping that the Eels pick up from where they left off, because sometimes it’s
just nice to read online comments from irate inbred Queenslanders when they lose
terribly.
Cowboys vs Tits
Speaking of inbred Queenslanders, this game should be banned
before it starts COVID-20. With reports
that Bryce Cartwright will not be playing (due to polio, possibly), the Cowboys
are going to have to find a whole new defensive lapse in the Gold Coast
armour. Normally that wouldn’t take
long, but you can’t really give North QLD too much credit.
Roosters vs Rabbitohs
Finally, a game that is worth watching… on paper. But since it’s the Roosters, they’ll just
slow the whole fucking game down, wrestle, complain, cheat, bribe and
ultimately most likely notch up their first win of the season.
Warriors vs Dragons
Fuck, NRL, is this your idea of a “welcome back” party? I feel sorry for the Warriors, who somehow
managed to injure their entire starting line-up during the break. For those unaware of how breaks work, it
would be like failing the following school year during the Christmas
holiday. Sometimes I think I’d like to
go to New Zealand, but then I look at their footy team and just stay at home.
Sharks vs Tigers
OHMYGOD the Sharks have been hit with another drug cheating
scandal. Fuck me drunk, who would have
ever guessed that would happen? It’s
just unheard of, if it was 2016. Here’s
hoping that they all get caught in 13 unrelated incidents on the way to the
game and they have to call it off and send the Sharkies to Perth, or Wuhan or whichever one is more likely to kill off a franchise quicker.
Storm vs Raiders go fucking Raiders woo
AW YEAH go you fucken Raiders. After having a slanging match with a journo
in which only half of the words were misspelled, the Raiders’ John Bateman will
be keen to prove that his heart lies in Canberra. It would also be nice for the other players
to prove that too. All eyes will be on
Curtis Scott as he lines up against his old team. And I mean old, like Cam Smith was mates with Noah, which is how he knows so
much about boats.
Panthers vs Knights
This one is straight from the “who gives a fuck” vault, and
the answer is “not me.”
Manly vs Doggies
Oh Jesus, why do you do this to me? On one hand, fuck Manly. But then, fuck the Doggies too.
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