It's pretty rare that other NRL clubs would thank another team at any point during the season, but I think a few might need to send a bottle of wine and a box of Cadbury's Favourites over to the Brisbane Broncos once the 2020 season has come to a broken, bloodied end.
Teams like the Bulldogs and the Cowboys should fire up the barbecue and invite a few of the Broncs around for a couple of snags and a few beers while the cricket is on, and thank them personally for being not only fucking terrible, but for being so fucking terrible that they have basically been able to be just as fucking terrible but not have anyone really give a fuck. The fact that both the Dogs and the Cows have fired their coaches is completely irrelevant; they didn't perform before they were sacked, and they haven't performed since. If this was a Scooby Doo episode, Fred and the gang would have tied up Paul Green to remove his mask and reveal that it was the entire Cowboys squad all along. And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling opposition players. Zoinks and jinkies.
The Broncos not only haven't been winning an awful lot this year, it's not even the way that they have been losing that's amazing to watch, it's the shit that is going on in the in-bred Game of Thrones-style boardroom management sessions behind the scenes that's the real story. The coach had the"full support" of the Broncos board, then he had five games to turn the season around, then he was fired a week later. The team is about as divided as any sporting club could ever be, with senior players breaking rank to talk shit about the coach to the media, fucking about with obvious isolation restrictions, ripping up their contracts to head off to other clubs, threatening to leave and then having the poorest judgement to talk to the media and admit that illegal third-party-payments were missing. Meanwhile, the same bunch of fucking idiots are turning up and putting on a jersey every week, missing tackles and dropping balls and not giving a flying fuck, because they still get their money at the end of the day, regardless of how often they're getting fucked over by 50 points.
At least the other teams fighting it out to win the Wooden Spoon this year occasionally look like they're trying, and shit performances aren't ignored by the "old boys" running the club because half the team buys their coke off them anyway.
I mean, that's probably a bit much to thank a few guys for over a burnt sausage and a chicken skewer that still has flecks of alfoil sticking to it, but they could probably build up to that by the second innings of the cricket (Australia in early trouble, but put on a respectable total thanks to a middle-order fightback from Smith and Labuschange, by the way).
Round 17
Brisbane Broncos vs Penrith Panthers
If this was a Disney movie about the determined underdog coming up against the high-flying contenders, the Broncos would still lose. If the Panthers turn up and don't get distracted in the second half like they've been doing lately, we could see a new world record set tonight. Kikau and Crichton will be the first players to score 10 tries each in a game.
Newcastle Knights vs Cronulla Sharks
Newcastle have been playing like balls lately, and I'm pointing a big fat finger at Mitchell Pearce and Kalyn Ponga, who are both starting to believe their own hype and wondering why the defense isn't parting like Moses through the Red Sea. Probably because they're not Jesus' second cousin or however Moses got his super powers in the Bible. I skipped the part between Genesis and Revelations.
South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Melbourne Storm
This game has the definite possibility of maybe becoming a potential candidate for what may be perhaps the Game of the Round. The Rabbits looked shit hot last week, and could surprise the Storm here. I'm tipping the Storm, but only because I just need to get this done really quickly and it's the Storm, so... you know. They do tend to win a lot.
Manly Sea Eagles vs Wests Tigers
Nobody cares about this game, probably not even the players. They should just play against each other in a game of Rugby League Live on Playstation and I think it would provide more entertainment.
Mighty Canberra Milk Raiders WOO vs Sydney Roosters
Well, the countdown to Sonny Bill's NRL revival is almost over, with Fox Sports delivering us a channel dedicated to what will most likely be Sonny Bill sitting on the bench for sixty minutes before copping a Hudson Young special right in the retina. Welcome back, you fucking slug. I also think the Roosters will win, and that makes me sad. The Raiders have been too slow to wake the fuck up in games this year, and they can't afford to hit the snooze button against this bunch of show pony pretty boys. I reckon we'll hurt a few Chooks players in the meantime though.
New Zealand Warriors vs Parramatta Eels
Well the Eels have let everyone down lately. I'm not only mad, I'm also disappointed and hungry. Here's fucking cheers to a Warriors win.
North Queensland Cowboys vs St George Illawarra Dragons
Well, someone has to win, right? Why not the slightly less shit team?
My new man-crush at the Raiders, Mr Tom Starling. He's also about a foot shorter than me, so I can still be big spoon.
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