Well, we did it. We managed to make it through an entire year of National NRL Rugby League, and we only had half a dozen players arrested; probably because the rest of them are in wheelchairs or have broken necks or are still working through their Head Injury Assessment tests.
The more astute readers may have noticed that I did not have a blog for last round. The less astute of you may not have realised that I actually do write this every week, and the least astute may not have even known that this blog even exists, or know what "astute" means. Let's just say that I did manage to pick last week's full round of winners as well as correctly guessing each winning margin. So basically, just another day for me really.
This round marks the end of the regular NRL season, so "thanks for coming" to the rabble propping up the ladder and making the Sharks occasionally appear as an almost decent team of satisfactory players performing to the absolute bare minimum at random points this year. Better luck next year, maybe you guys could try sacking your coach more often, or even get some results out of marquee players that you're paying millions of dollars instead of rewarding them with Ooshies for them to not influence the game at all. I have a glitter Mandalorian Ooshie, by the way. Don't be jealous.
We will also farewell a deadset legend of the game, whose career at Origin level was unparalleled, and his efforts on the field - not just in terms of ball playing, but his leadership and sportsmanship - were testaments to the legacy that he is leaving behind. Tim Glasby, thank you for your service.
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| Tim Glasby - QLD forward and part time speed bump has announced his retirement |
Round 20 will also see the final appearance of Darius Boyd, as he sets himself for a swansong performance of arm waving and appealing to the referee for one last time as a player. During his long career, Darius has actually been described as "pretty good", which is a fair way off from his form over the last couple of seasons, where he looked more like the player I am controlling in a FIFA video game when I forget which colour I am, but hold down the "sprint" button for the entire game.
The last round of the season is always a tricky one to pick, as the sides leaving the comp have nothing but pride, contract negotiations and SuperCoach points to play for, and the sides heading into finals are just trying to avoid having their best players' ACLs getting shifted up their bumholes, so they rest them and name a bunch of blokes from the pub to play instead.
Round 20
Brisbane Broncos vs North Queensland Cowboys
Well this is it - the first chance that the Broncos have to take out the Wooden Spoon since their inception in 1988. It's not every game that the Cowboys are favourites to win - probably because they're fucking terrible - but they will have the support of every Bronco-fucking-hating NRL punter in Australia, plus a few pissed-off Brissy supporters, to make sure that they end this dismal season for the Horsies in the way they deserve.
Gold Coast Titans vs Newcastle Knights
The Tits have actually been doing really well the last few games, and have strung together four wins in a row, not only breaking a Gold Coast record, but also winning their first ever match of Connect Four. This one could be an interesting match, as the Knights are struggling for consistency and will be desperate to prove themselves as contenders, and the best way to do that is to beat up a kid smaller than you.
South Sydney Rabbitohs vs Sydney Roosters
The Roosters have named a pretty full-strength side to take on the Bunnies in a game that means literally fuck all, so we could be seeing a fairly relaxed approach to the game; look for Luke Keary to avoid all forms of contact. Also look for Liam Knight to go hunting for him. Fuck it, no one likes Knight anyway, so he might as well kill a bloke.
Canterbury Bulldogs vs Penrith Panthers
In a perfect world, the Doggies would win this one to ensure that Brisbane finish last. In the real world, though, they'll probably lose by 20.
Cronulla Sharks vs Canberra Raiders
The Raiders are pulling no punches this week, naming superstars like Matt Timoko and Matt Frawley (and probably other blokes not called Matt too) to take on the all-conquering Cronulla team. Fun fact: if the Sharks win, it will be their first victory over a side in the top eight all year. I'm tipping Cronulla to win this one; the Raiders' side has less first-grade experience than Soliola has had facial fractures this year.
Wests Tigers vs Parramatta Eels
Ugh, this game is going to suck. Two teams so desperate to regain a semblance of domination is going to lead to wild cut-out passes into the fourth row of the crowd and ridiculous tackles. It could be entertaining, but in the same way that watching cock fights is; you're only in it for the cultural experience and free nuggets at the end.
New Zealand Warriors vs Manly Sea Eagles
Go you Warriors. A tough year for them, after being forced into lockdown in a foreign country where they don't speak the language or understand the nuances behind our culture, being forced to watch The Masked Singer only to have the final reveal be the chick who used to go out with Brax on Home and Away about ten years ago. It's been rough. The Sea Eagles have also had their fair share of bad luck, with Turbo Tom Trbojevic being rushed back from snapping his leg in half last week, only to rip his arm off. Luckily, he has still declared himself "fit for Origin", so coach Freddy Fittler will have a tough decision to make in how he announces that Turbo will not be required to leave his iron lung prematurely. I'd do it by text, myself, but that's because I'm a purist.
St George Dragons vs Melbourne Storm
Oh god can this season just end please? Wait, it is. The Storm have named a less-than-100% team for this hit out, but I don't think they will be troubled too much in any case; remember when the Dragons lost against their own reserve-grade side? I do. It wasn't even that long ago.
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