On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Nine nerds a-rofling

The sounds of the internet will now be heard loud and clear across the world thanks to a group of chatroom enthusiasts who will literally be LOLing and ROFLing their way through cyberspace.
“It occurred to me one night when I was chatting on MSN,” said James Banks, otherwise known as Agent_Smith932. “My friend Cerebus was pnwing this newb and it was really funny, so I typed LOL to keep him going.” LOL is an internet acronym meaning ‘Laughing Out Loud.’ “All of a sudden, I realised that I wasn’t LOLing at all. I wasn’t making any noise, except for my fingers on the keyboard, and my asthma and my flu. But I wasn’t laughing, at least not on the outside.”
When Mrs Banks went upstairs to say goodnight to her son, she found him in hysterics on the floor. “I was scared out of my mind,” Mrs Banks said. “I thought he’d had a fit. I jumped on top of him to stop him moving and he suddenly came to and told me to get off him.”
“I was trying something out,” James says. “I was seeing how it would go if I could increase the LOL to a ROFL – Rolling On the Floor Laughing. It was going fine until I was attacked by my mum. Everyone on the internet knew about how my mum tried to save me, it was embarrassing.”

While it would be a stretch to say that ‘everyone on the internet’ knew about it, there were four people in the chatroom at the time, and at least one made a quip about it when told of what had just occurred in James’ bedroom.
“Everyone was all like, 'Smith where r u’ and shit,” James explains. “And I was all like, ‘Fck man, ull neva gess wot jus happened I was literally ROFL n my mum comes in n sees me n shes all ova me cuz she thinks im havin a fit or sumthing!!!”

According to his internet logs, a user named Dry_Tears chimed in with “Dude, your mum is hot LOL I’d go there LOLLL!” which almost caused James to stop his literal use of internet phrases. “Nah I’m going to keep going,” he says. “I’ve mastered the LOL and now my mum knows not to freak out if she sees me ROFLing. My friends are all doing it as well – one guy, RigidBoy4U, says he’s going to attempt a LMAO (Laughing My Arse Off), and at least three people I know claimed to have LSHIPMP (Laughing So Hard I Pissed My Pants). They said that it really happened, but who knows? It’s pretty gross. If I'm somewhere where I can't literally LOL or ROFL, and especially not LSHIPMP, I'm going to give LOTI (Laughing On The Inside) a go. I think LOTI could be the next big thing."

All I know is that the future of the internet should have a VBS (Very Big Smile) on its face, as people like Agent_Smith932, Cerebus, Dry_Tears and RigidBoy4U continue to make chatrooms a better place.


Nine nerds a-rofling, eight cancelled shows, seven bumper stickers, six Ponting problems, five drinking games, four random reviews, three ways to get rich, too many beers and a bright shiny new crowbar.