it's my party

This guy is a knob










In case you've been living somewhere other than Narre South Warren, Victoria for the past week, you might not have attended the world's greatest party. I was there (not really, but prove me wrong, naysayers. Prove me wrong). Some little punk-ass kid was supposed to crash with his friend while his folks headed to Queensland for a holiday. Said punk-ass kid decided to hit MyFace or SpaceBook or BeboTube or GoogleEarth or whatever it is that you crazy teenagers are using these days, and invited the world over to his house for a party.

You know that scene in The Lion King where the wildebeest stampede and Simba is caught in the gorge? (Spoiler alert: Mufasa dies) Think of that, but instead of hundreds of crazed animals, think of hundreds of pissed teenagers. And instead of Mufasa dying, think of letterboxes being smashed. And instead of Simba, think of Gizmo from Gremlins. Just cause. Also in The Lion King, you know how Timon and Pumbaa dress in drag and do the hula? That kind of happened as well, but instead of a meerkat and a warthog dancing, there were policemen with dogs and a helicopter.
I love Disney films.

In any case, the drunken wildebeest teenage riot cost $20,000 in damages and the cost of the hula-dancing policemen. What does the punk ass kid do? Hides at his friend's place, ignores the calls from his family and whores himself out to any media that will put his ugly little pose on the box. Fair enough, tiger, have yourself a party, wear your Paris Hilton sunglasses, wear a furry parka but no shirt, be as much of a tool as you like, but own up to it. Accept a bit of responsibility that you, Corey McFucktard, organised a bunch of strangers to come to your house, drink turps and paint-stripper and maybe, just maaaaaybe, the 500 or so idiots there 'disrupted the peace'. You're the kind of guy who spreads mayo over tables in McDonalds pisses in shoes while the guy in the shop isn't looking. I'm sure the 15 year old kid who has to clean that up thinks you're hilarious for $7 an hour.

You're a knob, and if I see you in the street, you're getting a crowbar across the back of your head.

However... the worst part is that people are apparently offering him $20,000 to organise another party. $20K is a lot, especially to a retarded 16 year old like Corey. Think of all the Coolabah wine and soda bulbs he could buy with that. Listen here, peeps, the guy didn't organise anything the first time. He put a message on the internet, which is quite, quite free, not entirely time consuming, and available to the world. You could quite possibly do it yourself, and save yourself... ooh, let's say $20,000.

If anyone actually pays this kid to do anything other than flip burgers or stack supermarket shelves, they'll be getting a crowbarring as well.

And just for the record, here's my crowbar list as it stands:

- Anthony Mundine
- Jennifer Lopez
- Kevin Federline
- Wendell Sailor
- Lleyton Hewitt
- Russell Crowe
- Shane Watson
- All of Jet
- Freddie Prinze, Jr
- Justin Timberlake
- Corey

Welcome to the club.