NRL 2018 - Round 11

What a week for Australian rugby league that will no doubt have a lasting impact all over the world.  News came through on Wednesday that shocked a nation, and will have future generations asking, “Where were you when you heard that Trent Hodkinson was moving to Manly?”

That’s right, Trent has been signed by the Sea Eagles for the rest of the 2018 season (possibly next year too, but I really don’t know or care that much), making this Hodgo’s fifth move since 2010.  This also marks the end of Jackson Hastings’ career at the Eagles, as when your club prefers a 30-year old arthritic plank over a 22-year old wunderkind, you know it’s probably time to rethink a few life choices.

Not to be outdone in the stakes of “BIGGEST NEWS IN THE NRL EVER”, Melbourne’s occasional bench forward and strange Origin representative Tim Glasby has signed with Newcastle on the three-year deal, bringing the Knights’ list of “solid forwards” to “all of them”.  Many rival clubs were quoted as saying, “Huh” upon hearing this momentous news.

Also, Cameron Smith has retired. 

It’s no coincidence that the week Smith finally gets suspended for being a dirty cheat is also the week that he take his ball and heads home in a sulk & decides to retire.  What a baby. 

Look, let’s be honest here.  The guy is a thousand years old, is built like an accountant who has a gym membership but doesn’t really use it, his recent form has not been good, he’s making uncharacteristic mistakes and his timing seems to be out.  He’s missing his old mate Cooper Cronk and is really fucking sick of Billy Slater being his new best friend, especially since he keeps using the phrase “The Big Two” when he's talking about them both, especially when it's just the two of them having a chat.  

It wouldn’t surprise if he is also carrying an injury, possibly gout.  It also wouldn’t surprise me if the Storm have been pinged for cheating the salary cap again, and he is just jumping yacht before the furore really begins. 

His parting gift to the NRL and Queensland Rugby League was his recommendation that Darius Boyd should succeed him as QLD captain for the upcoming State of Origin series, ensuring that his own legacy will seem even greater as the worst option possible gets selected. 

Round 11

Penrith Panthers vs Wests Tigers

Penrith will be welcoming back Nathan Cleary from injury this week.  Reports are in that his chin is back to full strength and his hair looks immaculate. 

Parramatta Eels vs NZ Warriors

Oh Parra, where did it all go wrong?  You guys were meant to be contenders this year.  The Warriors, on the other hand, clicked into gear early in the season and were belting all-comers.  Their recent form has been more like the Warriors of old, and Parramatta have officially nothing to lose (see last week’s game of touch footy for proof), but I still ruckon Un-Zud wull be able to beat the Ills, bro. 

Brisbane Gronkos vs Eastern Suburbs Roosters

It’s amazing what can happen to a team when there’s a month until Origin teams are named.  All of a sudden, the dead weight that is Turdesco and co manage to click into gear to earn themselves another shot at a rep jersey.  The Broncs are officially useless, with the only positive sign for them is that Jack Bird is injured and won’t be playing for them.  How he managed to hurt himself by avoiding the ball and lying down is anyone’s guess, but the way things are going, I don’t think he’ll be fulfilling his entire contract at Brisbane.

Gold Coast Titans vs Knewcastle Nights

Eh.  Go Newy.

Nth Queensland Cowboys vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

So my early predictions for the might Bunnies might have been a bit not-entirely-correct, and they are actually playing some really good footy at the moment.  You could excuse me for thinking they’d be shit; any team with an arthritic John Sutton, more than one Burgess, a fat and broken Gringlis and Adam “Weekend at Bernie’s” Reynolds deserves to be mocked and laughed until my throat is sore.  The Cowboys are either playing mind-games or have officially given up, as they have named the same fucking side that has managed to lose for the last ten rounds.

Melbourne Storm vs Manly Sea Eagles

The last time the Storm took on the Sea Eagles without Cameron Smith, they were on the wrong end of a 40-0 thrashing and Israel Folau cried.  That was a pretty good day.  It probably won’t happen again.

St George Dragons vs Canberra Faders

Did someone say KFC?

 Cronulla Sharks vs Canterbury Bulldogs

The Sharkies have been getting their wins up this year but have looked fucking awful while doing it, whereas the Bulldogs have been looking pretty fucking awful and managing to lose.  It makes sense to just ignore that this game is on at all.

Suspended for what?  His leg is basically still attached, I don't know what anyone is even complaining about.  I'd retire too