Remember at school when you went on camp and you
could get away with a bit more stuff like swearing and fighting, and even
though you were still with your classmates and your teacher was there and he
kept telling you that you were representing the school so you couldn’t carve
your initials and the “Superman S” onto every tree you saw and you still had to call him “Mr Dingle” and you knew
that you’d have to do some kind of assignment about what you learned at camp, it
didn’t really feel like school? That’s
kind of what has happened to the NRL this week.
Players, juniors, officials, everyone’s got white line fever.
In case you’ve been too stoned lately, just
about everyone involved in rugby league and their mums (well, five people) were
pinged for cocaine use or possession over one weekend, resulting in bans,
suspensions, investigations, finger-pointing and a whole lot of argy-bargey for
good measure.
First of all was old mate Shaun Kenny Dowall,
who took some time out of being shit at footy to get caught with some blow in a Sydney nightclub.
He has subsequently been dropped by the Roosters and will await further action by the NRL.
He responded by saying, “I don’t do drugs.” I also do not do drugs, but the difference
between me and SKD is that I don’t carry them around either.
It’s not great news for Kenny-Dowall, who has
been struggling with his form this year, and is coming off contract at the end
of the season. There is a bright side to
the story though, as it gives dickheads like me plenty of opportunity to take
the piss and use phrases like “first time he’s kept possession of anything” and
“they tried to lay other charges on him, but were dropped” and of course “he
was intercepted by police,” which just gives me an excuse to show this clip of one of the worst NRL plays in the history of ever. However,
it still might work out well for SKD, as getting arrested is probably his best
chance of being re-signed by an NRL team for next season. We do love a redemption story.
A day or so after Shaun decided to ruin his
career, Kevin Proctor and Jesse Bromwich from the New Zealand international
team decided to get loose after losing a Test match, and hit up a bloke outside Cube nightclub for cocaine. According
to CCTV, the pair snorted some powder off a bloke’s mobile phone in the street,
and both players claim that this kind of behaviour is very much out of character. It sure does reek of a nervous first-time
drug user; approaching a stranger on the street at 5am and asking “hey mate, do
you have any coke?” and then sharing a few lines off his mobile fucking
phone. At the very least, it's the best promotion that Cube has had for a while.
Very out of character indeed. Proctor even went so far as to say that the
image on the CCTV wasn’t him. If you are ever asked to identify Kevin Proctor, you have exactly three options out of
7 billion people on earth: Kevin
Proctor, Sideshow Bob and Grug.
 |
| Wasn't me |
So everyone in the NRL cracked the shits about who was
to blame for all of these rich adult men buying drugs when they were
specifically told “do not buy drugs guys seriously” and instead they were strangely vilified by people arguing that they could just as easily have snorted the lines off a toilet cistern
like everybody else, but instead they did it in a public street where they were
caught, and they had the good sense to snort the coke
straight away instead of buying a baggie and tacking it away because on a
technicality they never maintained possession of the ball before grounding it
in the in goal area, we have a decision and going to the board.
Obviously everyone is free to use cocaine if
they have the money and the desire, but like everyone else, should understand
that it is currently a Class A illegal drug, and being caught with it or
using it will bring about some hefty penalties, including possibly losing your
career - and for NRL players, that particular career kind of stipulates "do not use drugs please." If my workplace said “hey Mister Evil
Breakfast you can’t wear black socks any more” I’d be all like “oh man I just
bought some new black socks but I guess I can get some other ones are grey
socks ok?” and they said “yeah grey is cool oh and by the way your pants are
nice too you look pretty good are you working out?” and I’d say “oh
thanks I haven’t been doing much differently but I am drinking more water maybe
that’s it?” and the bottom line is that
if your career (especially a lucrative and short-lived career) depends on not
doing something, maybe then don’t fucking do it. Just saying.
Round 10
Canterbury Bulldogs (1.60) vs North Queensland Cowboys (2.40)
I can’t trust the Cowboys without Johnathan
Thurston, who injured himself in last week’s Test. Because of the star power of JT, the Cowboys released a statement on his injury, which was a pretty long-winded way to go
about saying “No comment.”
The Bulldogs played just barely well enough
in their last game to grind out an ugly win against Canberra, and I’m only just
tipping them to go again this week.
St George Illawarra Dragons (3.05) vs Cronulla Sharks (1.40)
The Dragons are without a couple of key
players through injury, and in a weekend of drunken drug-fuelled debauchery in the NRL, I bet Josh Dugan's idea of spending a few days on ice turned out a lot differently than he had planned, after breaking his jaw in the Test match on Friday. The Sharks are only missing one of their board
members (also done for cocaine possession).
I doubt this will affect them too much on-field, to be honest (unless he
was supplying everyone else with it, which isn’t really beyond the scope of
possibility). Sharkies (reluctantly) to
run away with this one.
Wests Tigers (2.05) vs South Sydney Rabbitohs (1.82)
Ummmm.
I don’t really know. I think I’ll
go the Rabbits, because the Tigers have a habit of being fucking horrendously bad
in the second half. If Souths can stay
within 20 at the break, they’ll have a fighting chance.
Penrith Panthers (1.77) vs New Zealand Warriors (2.10)
Both of these teams are rubbish and I don’t
care.
Melbourne Storm (1.38) vs Gold Coast Titans (3.18)
Eh.
Melbourne, probably. I bet the
party after this game will be a bit more subdued than anyone was planning. Getting Bromwich, Proctor and a whole lot of charlie
in the same place at the same time could have been interesting.
Manly Sea Eagles (2.35) vs Brisbane Broncos (1.63)
I’m tipping Broncos but I’m really not that
confident. I think with Hunt and Roberts
and probably someone else that I can’t think of right now out of their side,
Brissy might struggle against a Manly side that’s lifting in confidence – and more
importantly – skill.
Newcastle Knights (4.70) vs Canberra Raiders (1.21)
If the Raiders don’t win, I’m going to punch
someone in the face. Possibly
myself. Canberra really need to continue
beating bottom-eight sides if they are going to continue to pretend that they’re
good. In other news, they signed a bloke
named Masivesi Dakuwaqa during the week.
I hope it’s just to piss off Ray Warren and Ray Hadley.
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