NRL 2012 Round 11: Banana Split

Round 11 sees another split round so everyone can get a bit excited about State of Origin.  Unfortunately it fucks around with people’s tips a lot, and makes my weekend sport-watching a whole lot shorter than it could/should be.  I might even have to crack out some AFL.  Nah, I’ll just re-watch the 1994 Grand Final on VHS.  The only problem is that I’ve stretched the good bits by watching them in slow-motion too many times.  Those good bits occur between 00:01 and 80:00. 

Queensland and New South Wales announced their Origin teams during the week, amid much speculation and media interest.  The Queenslanders even felt it necessary to have a launch event, as if it was some exciting secret that they were finally breaking to the world.  It’s the same team they’ve picked for the last forty years, with the only real change being Cooper “Best Surname Ever” Cronk instead of the retired Darren “the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now” Lockyer, which was always going to happen, even if Cronk’s legs fell off.  

The NSW team is a mix of good ideas and absofuckinglute desperfuckingation.  Michael “Fucking” Jennings?  The guy has played half a game this season due to injury and intoxication, why the hell would he get a Guernsey?  Yes, he CAN break the line, and yes he CAN be one of the fastest blokes in the universe, but he also CAN play poorly and CAN fuck up an awful lot.  Personally, I would have gone with the less spectacular but fairly safe option of someone like Colin Best.  Or me.  I wouldn’t feel out-of-place making my NRL debut as a centre in State of Origin.  And no matter what happened during Origin camp, I know I’d be way more sober than Carney and Jennings.  

So with people out for Origin, who should you tip for Round 11?

North Queensland Cowboys vs Penrith Panthers

Wests Tigers vs New Zealand Warriors

Manly Sea Eagles vs Sydney Roosters

St George-Illawarra Dragons vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

Bulldogs vs Sharks

I’m throwing in a few upsets this week – who would have ever thought that Penrith would win last week?  Not me, hence I didn’t tip them.  No such mistake this week though, especially against a Thurston-less Cowboys outfit, who, despite boasting a strong home-ground record, still suck and I don’t like them.  I've got a bad feeling that one's going to come back to bite me on the arse, but that's ok.  I normally pay extra for that.  

The Warriors and Tigers are mainly Origin-unaffected, due to the Warriors being primarily comprised of New Zealanders, and the Tigers being fairly shit.  Warriors to win surprisingly easily this week.

Manly will be missing a few of their “big guns” (I’m pretty sure Brett Stewart gave himself that nickname, right after another “wah wah wah I am still angry at the CEO of the NRL interview”) but I’m fairly confident they’ll stumble over the line against the Chooks.

St George are playing fucking fuckedly right now, so they can fuck off to Fuckville; I’m not tipping them again (unless they play Parramatta), and the Sharkies should still win without “Jigsaw” Carney and “Lucky I’m good at footy” Gallen.  And I don’t like the Bulldogs, despite how much fun it is to do the Beau Ryan “Doggeez” thing with your crotch.  That makes me sound a bit sick/Joel Monaghan… just Google it.

Game of the Round

New South Wales vs Queensland

Sorry Blues boys, you’ve picked a goodish team this time but you’re still going to lose.  Maybe you guys will listen to me:  when Cameron Smith gets the ball and passes it to Thurston who passes it back inside to Cronk, FILL THE FUCKING HOLE BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM BECAUSE IT MEANS HE’S GOING TO PASS IT TO BILLY SLATER WHO WILL SCORE.  Also, tackle Greg Inglis.  AND, Hodges is going to run from dummy-half every-fucking-time.  He’s also one of the loosest carriers in the game; stop him running and the ball turns into a watermelon seed.  Work this shit out.  Queensland by at least 8.

Despite Kurt Gidley being unavailable for NSW, I'm still not tipping them