NRL Round 14: Injuries and spell-check

It’s a tough game, this rugby league caper. So is writing about it – without the correct posture, you can really get a stiff back. Phroar. I wonder if anyone has had a typing injury, like if they pressed too hard on a key (the D key looks like a likely candidate) and jarred their finger or something. If this has happened, I would like the blogosphere to make it known that amateur writing is just as hard and dangerous as playing professional football. Especially when you’re doing it at work and ignoring your job.

Injuries have shaken the NRL world to its core, and with Origin on in less than a week, it leaves this weekend’s teams all higgledy-piggledy. FYI, higgledy-piggledy is in the MS Word dictionary. FYI, it’s also in auto-correct. FYI, I misspelled it, that’s how I know.

Origin, injuries and turmoil are the topics taking up the NRL newsbucket this week, as embattled Bulldogs coach Kevin Moore was told “your team is shit,” to which he replied, “Yeah, tell me about it.” I reckon he’s trawling seek.com.au for a new job as we speak. Parramatta bigwigs are also mourning the fact that they didn’t sign Darren Lockyer as a junior sixteen years ago, claiming they saw great potential in the young five-eighth even way back then. Funnily enough, he was playing fullback at the time. It also appears that he may have caught the eye of some Brisbane scouts, so Parra can shove that shithouse story up their Eric Grothe Jr. I could write all day about how I stupidly turned down the role of Han Solo in Star Wars (the filming dates conflicted with the time that I was alive), or the time I didn’t take the opportunity to marry Natalie Portman (every day). Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that opportunities aren’t there solely for you.

The team doctor measures up players for bogan tattoos

Round 14
There are some tough decisions to make this week as teams take the field without their Origin stars and injured players, so it all comes down to how you reckon the second-string players will go, or how important a left centre really is. Answer: not really integral, but handy to have – kind of like your appendix.

Dragons v Titans
Sea Eagles v Cowboys
Warriors v Tigers
Storm v Roosters

Broncos v Raiders

FOR FUCK’S SAKE. What the fuck happened last week, Raiders? Jesus suffering fuck. Fucking hell.

FUCK.

Giving up a 22-point lead is never a good thing for anyone in any sport. Giving up a 22-point lead to lose by 16 is just fucking unforfuckingivable. What a fucking disgrace.

Right. Onto this week. The Raiders had just one player picked for Origin duty, but he decided to plonk himself on the injured list instead. Other Canberra players decided that the injured list looked like a good list to be on, so they joined him there, including Terry Campese, whose 2011 season consisted of seven minutes on the field, before he tore his groin muscle into confetti. Nice one, Tezza. At least your highlights reel will be a simple editing job.

I’m going for the Raiders in this game, simply because the Broncs always struggle without their senior players who are away on Origin duty. It’s the game that Canberra needs to win, and if they don’t then I’m kicking them all in the balls. Seriously, I will hunt down all of the players and fucking boot them right in the scrote.

On a sad and controversial and angry note, Josh Miller may be forced to leave the Raiders at the end of this year due to salary cap restrictions. Miller is a good young player who bleeds lime green – the Raiders need him to stick around, and should do whatever the fuck it takes to keep him in the nation’s capital. Lose that Orford bloke, or sell half of Tom Learoyd-Lahrs’ name or something. If they lose Miller, he will get bought by another club while he is in the prime of his career and will destroy his opposition. If the Raiders can stop being a springboard club for future superstars of the game, that would be tops.

MEB cumulative score: 55