breaking up is hard to do. especially when it's food.

A little while ago, I bought a box of Le Snaks; you know the things that your mum used to pop into your lunch box when you were nine or something? Six packets of goodness, each one containing three crackers with a little pool of cheese spread in which to dip them. I saw the Le Snak pack on the supermarket shelf and thought, "Fuck yes. Those things were awesome! I haven't had one in about 20 years." I honestly thought they had been taken out of production or something. Maybe mum didn't buy them and I didn't ask for them. Touche, mother. Maybe the Uncle Toby's recipe was stolen and they couldn't produce the cheese anymore. Personally, I'd like to think that Uncle Toby's realised that the world wasn't quite ready for Le Snak in 1988 and have been waiting to unleash hell in 2009.

Or maybe, just maybe, they didn't actually ever sell, and the Le Snak that is sitting in my pantry is from the same batch that my mum bought when I was in grade three. When I peeled back the alfoil "freshness protector" thing on top of one of the packets, I immediately felt a harsh desert wind sweeping up from the biscuits. These fuckers were dry, man. Like, really dry. You know how sometimes you eat something that's dry and you turn to someone and say, "Man, this is really dry." And they'll say, "It doesn't look very dry." And you reply, "Well it is dry; try some." And then they eat it and say, "You're right, this is really dry." Well, whatever you ate has nothing on my Le Snak biscuits. Incidentally, Le Snak is the winner of the inaugral Mister Evil Breakfast Award For Being Really Dry (Food Category):

Le Snak have won the coveted MEB Award For Being Really Dry (Food Category)

Anyway, I picked up one of the biscuits and dipped it into the little pool of cheese - after all, that is what we all ate those things for, right? No one wants crackers, give us fake cheese that doesn't need to be refridgerated. It sunk about a millimetre into the cheese spread before it snapped. Being the bonza little Aussie that I am, I tried again. The biscuit broke once more. Snap. Snap snap fucking snap. Well... fuck. The years have been unkind to my "le french" snacky friend as the biscuits have become brittle and the cheese has become impenetrable. C'est la vie.

Le Snak - even though we have ended badly, I will always remember you for the good times.

Le Snak; it's French for "the snak" which is poor english for "the snack." I'd say it fits into the "edible" category, but wouldn't go too much further.