Thursday, September 14, 2006

ice age

If I were a squirrel, I don’t think I’d survive long, as I would laugh every time some other squirrel said, “We need to collect nuts for the winter,” and I’d just grab my crotch and say, “Your place or mine?” I am also not good at climbing trees.
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Anonymous said...

25 WAYS TO IMPRESS YOUR GIRL

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this
will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness
(or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she
cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she
is say "you better be", repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This
will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and
every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because
jewellery is for p*ssy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she
is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the other
girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire
yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and
now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When
she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean
over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your
jacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
"if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be
b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the
party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on
it.But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking
about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no.This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she
can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this
one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you
will,promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day.
This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call
you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited.
Now don't call. That's also quite funny

10:15 AM

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