The news that no rugby league fan
(except me) wanted to hear: Billy Slater
requires another round of surgery on his shoulder and is expected to miss the
next six to eight months of the season, aka. the fucking rest of it.
Billy Slater is already a
decorated rugby league star, with a host of Australian and Queensland
representative duties, including the coveted Wally Lewis Medal in 2010, the
2011 Dally M award, the Clive Churchill Medal, the 2008 Golden Boot award and
the winner of Australia’s Greatest Athlete in 2009 and 2010. Such is the hunger of the great man that he
wants more, and is looking to win his inaugural medal for “playing the least
games this season” after making a comeback in round 2 and opting to watch the
rest from the sidelines/hospital bed.
This could mean that retirement
is a year closer for the Storm fullback, although suggesting that he’s injury
prone is just plain wrong – the only times that he has been injured since 2003
have been a broken collarbone in 2012, knee surgery in 2013 and 2014 and a
shoulder operation last year. “Injury
prone?” scoffs Billy, as he contemplates life after football from his 330-foot
yacht. “Not me… not unless you count the
last five seasons.”
We’ll miss you, Bill. Some of us more than others, obviously.
If you can't stop the man, try to rip his hands off instead |
Round 3
Cowboys vs Roosters
The Cowboys came crashing down to
earth with an unexpected loss last week, while the Roosters failed once again
to close out a game. I actually don’t
care who wins this one, but it would be nice to see the Chooks carry on their
winless record.
Bulldogs vs Parramatta
Both teams have provided some Jekyll
and Hyde performances so far this year, so it will depend on who the fuck turns
up. The Dogs will be bolstered by
Klemmer’s reprieve from the judiciary for touching a referee last week. It’s just nice that for once no one from
Canterbury was cited for touching a drunk underage girl.
Knights vs the Mighty Canberra Raiders RAAA
God bless the Knights; they’re
the new Bye round. Dickfingers Uate is
injured and Feeney has been dropped to bring in Newcastle’s secret weapon: COREY DENNISS. Eighteen years old. A veteran of five Holden Cup games. Superfluous double letters in his
surname. I’m pretty sure that coach Nathan
Brown is just assuming that the Raiders will forfeit in fear of the potential destruction
that this kid may have.
Penrith vs Broncos
The Panthers are going so poorly
that they can’t even get a televised game against the Broncos. The Broncos are still so boring that Channel
9 couldn’t be fucked putting them on Friday nights any more.
Titans vs Wests Tigers
James Tedesco is often referred
to as “the next Billy Slater”.
Considering that Teddy has spent the first three years of his career
injured, I’d say that’s pretty accurate.
The Titans are equivalent to the Adelaide Rams. Yeah, I went there.
Warriors vs Melbourne
No matter how shit the Warriors
appear, they always pull something out of somewhere when they play
Melbourne. And Konrad Hurrell is back to
knee some bastard in the face.
St George vs Rabbitohs
Holy shit, what is going on with
St George so far this year? Training for
the Dragons this week has consisted of lubing up and grabbing their own ankles
in anticipation of this match. Look for
Dugan to clutch at his hamstring (again) as soon as the game is out of reach. In this case, about six minutes after
kick-off.
Manly vs Sharks
The loser of this game should be
forced to remove their Southern Cross tattoos.
And that team will be Manly. MY
GOD it’s so good to see Manly and Easts propping up the bottom of the
ladder.
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