Holy fuck, what the hell happened
to the NRL last week?
Manly’s season ended when they
struggled to overcome a struggling Parramatta team, Newcastle proved there’s
still life in their decrepit old legs by beating Melbourne – the Storm’s fifth
loss this year to a last-placed team – and Canberra forgot to turn up against
the Titans.
Injuries have also turned the
premiership race on its head. The
Roosters’ march to the minor premiership has been royally fucked by a
season-ending knee explosion to Jared Waerea-Hargreaves, plus a bad case of
dandruff for pansy-boy Mitchell Pearce, who will miss a month. Souths have lost Greg “Future Immortal unless
I play like I did last week” Inglis for at least a week while he recovers from
a knee problem – hopefully he can also find some interest in the game during
his time off as well, as he looked absolutely woeful in the loss to Canterbury
on Friday night. The Bunnies are not
looking like contenders at all right now, and risking Inglis is probably not in
their best interests. The Cowbs will
miss Michael Morgan, who has formed a great combination with Thurston this
year, which has added a much-needed second player to the list of “people that
the Cowboys rely on.”
From the top eight, the fucking
Bulldogs and Brisbane are looking like the most dangerous teams.
Off the field (sort of), the
Wests Tigers, current favourites to be collecting the wooden spoon this year,
have announced that they will be loading their captain Robbie Farah into the
club catapult and firing him towards the sun, as they can no longer afford him
under their current salary cap. This is
shit news, basically, and I fucking hate Robbie Farah almost as much as I hate
Billy Slater, but way less than I hate Robert Lui. I will have to draw a scale for you one day. Farah joined the Tiges in 2003 (that’s 12
years at the same club, for those playing at home, Josh Dugan), and has played
236 games for them. In 2013, he was
inducted as a Wests Tigers Life Member. Two
years later, he has basically been sacked.
This is a shit way to treat someone that is regarded as a club legend, it’s
a shit way to run a club, it’s a shit part of the NRL and it’s shit news for
Robbie Farah.
Rob’s current salary at Westststs
is reportedly around $900,000 a year, and he still has two years to go on his
contract. If another team picks him up,
they will probably offer him around $600,000 and the Tigers still have to pay him the remainder of his
salary. So instead of paying a man
$900K, they are now paying no one $600,000
over two years.
The salary cap restrictions and
rules have been fucked for a long time, and this is probably a perfect example
of why things need to be revised.
Special dispensations should be given to players who stick with a club
for ten years, or if they receive life membership, or if they have managed not
to be arrested during their career. When
Farah leaves, the average age of the Tigers will be 22, which is coincidentally
the same number of knee reconstructions that James Tedesco will be having next
year while sitting on a lazy $800,000 per annum pay rise.
Good luck next year, boys.
In other news, apparently
ex-Parramatta legend Jarryd Hayne is trying his hand at playing NFL, but I
haven’t heard anything of how his preparations are going. I definitely haven’t seen twelve stories
about him in two days, and absolutely no one at Fox Sports is jerking off over his every
step.
 |
| A list of players that the Tigers have let go in the last few years. Courtesy of Beau Ryan's Instagram page which I found but don't look at because I can't remember my Instagram password and I only have like two photos on there anyway |
Round 25
So many players missing this
round. Anyfuckingthing could
happen.
Souths vs Broncos
Whenever a team needs to score
points against Souths, here’s an idea – run at Alex Johnston. The kid is quick and is great in attack, but
I reckon I could probably sneak past him, and I’m not in the shape I used to be. And I’ve had a few.
Manly vs Roosters
As mentioned, the Roosters have
lost Jared Waerea-Hargreaves for the year, but luckily have a small factory
that churns out giant Kiwis to take his place.
The only worry about this game is that the Chooks won’t want to risk
injuring anyone good (hence Maloney retaining his position) and may not dig
deep enough to give 110% against a Manly side with nothing to play for.
Eels
vs Sharks
If the
Sharks win (which they should) and the Rabbits lose (which they should),
Cronulla will fucking sneak into fourth place.
FUCK. OFF. The Eels could come out and surprise everyone
again, but for that to happen twice in two weeks would be nothing short of
miraculous.
Knights vs Doggies
Canterbury’s Sam Kasiano is
fucking mental. He gives me one of those
“he’s ugly as sin but holy shit” boners.
I think the Morris twins will run amok on the edges of Newcastle’s
often-breached defence, and should put on about 40 points. Sorry Knights. If Danny Buderus steps down as interim coach
right now, he would go out as having the highest winning ration of any
Newcastle coach ever. Just sayin…
Storm vs Cowboys
The Storm are going in with an
unchanged line-up that lost to bottom-placed Newcastle on Monday to take on the
competition favourites. Bold strategy,
let’s see how they go. They will want to
fire up after another embarrassing loss last weekend, but my tip is going to
the Cowboys. Keep an eye on Kyle Feldt,
who has a great name and heaps of speed.
Tigers vs Warriors
Fuck, I don’t know. Despite the Tigers coming dead last but still
looking more threatening than the Warriors have in the second half of the comp,
I’m tipping for our Kiwi cousins. How
they’re still in finals contention is a complete mystery, and probably
exemplifies just how bad everyone else has been this year. Depending on how the Tigers have taken their
off-field dramas, this could boil over like a forgotten saucepan.
Titans vs St George
You know how there are teams that
are in the comp that you kind of forget about, and probably wouldn’t miss if
they weren’t playing? Yeah, that’s kind
of these two teams for me, to be honest.
Nothing against either the Gold Coast or the Dragons, they just don’t do
much for me. Saints for the win though,
apparently their season is still alive and kicking. Allegedly.
Raiders vs Panthers
The hardest thing about playing
the Panthers? Not hurting yourself when
you tackle their wheelchairs. That was
way funnier in my head. From a random
stat that I read that I will in no way verify, this is the sixteenth time that
Penrith have changed their starting halves combination. I’m going for the Raiders this final week of
Canberra Appreciation Month – hopefully they can lift a bit more than they did
last week. Also, hopefully they have
learned that their BJ Leilui experiment was a fucking disaster, and will use
his suspension to teach him how to play football. I would fuck him off from the centres and get
him into the second row. Because if
there’s anything that the Raiders need, it’s more giant fuck-off forwards. Carn the Green Machine.
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