NRL 2014 Round 13: You Win Some, You Lose Some

Lucky for some, unlucky for Beau Ryan, Round 13 is upon us, and it’s another cluster fuck of a round to tip.  The fallout from the first State of Origin game is still affecting the NRL world through injuries, but also through the possibility of fringe players pushing for a place in the Blue & Maroon sides.  You know when people start looking at Josh Dugan as a replacement for Josh Morris, it’s anyone’s game.  They should probably consider looking at a replacement player with a different Christian name as well, but we’ll get there.  I think my favourite part of State of Origin I was listening to the great Ray “Rabs” Warren calling the game, with such gems as “Slater down the touchline, comes to one of the Morris brothers, and the other Morris brother is there to finish the tackle.”  At least the Morrises did the right thing by both getting injured.  Hopefully Dugan has a brother that he can bring in too.

Laurie “I’m Totes the Coach” Daley has even suggested putting Jarryd Hayne in the centre position, which I think is just fucking stupid.  Hayne is arguably the best player in the world right now (“arguably” is a great word to use – I am “arguably” the world’s best writer and NRL tipper, although it honestly wouldn’t be much of an argument), and needs to get his hands on the ball in the open space that the fullback position allows.  The centre combinations in the first game might as well not have even been there – Greg Inglis’ contribution to football was overshadowed only by the non-existence of Michael Jennings.  Keep Hayne in the #1, and stop being dickheads.

Round 13

This week I’m being ballsy (and handsome) and picking a few upsets to go along with the standard “oh fucking hell I just don’t know what to do why is this so fucking hard and why do I care this much and yes I’d love another beer if it’s your shout thanks man I think I left my wallet at home oh this in my pocket yeah that’s a different wallet” thing that I normally do. 

I don’t rate Manly’s chances against the Doggies, and I don’t think Daly Cherry-Evans will ever be a competitive top-level player at State or International level.  THERE.  I said it.  I think he’s a good player, but I reckon he should be happy with his place at Manly.  He should also get a new hairdresser.

I’m tipping the Cowboys because Parra were disgraceful last week and just because Hayne is returning this week, I don’t think it will be enough.  The Titans and the Panthers can both go fuck themselves, and I’m tipping the Titans but I’m also thinking of changing my mind about that but I’ll probably leave it and forget about it.  Dragons vs Sharks should be free entry, honestly.  There’s no way that anyone would bother going to see them play at the moment.  I reckon the Warriors will upset an unstable Rabbitohs outfit – I don’t know what they put in the water in England (not fluoride) that makes people’s heads massive and their hands turn into Teflon, but they should probably stop it.  The amount of dropped ball from the Burgess brothers is fucking astounding and in the words of Geoff Toovey, there needs to be an investigation.  There doesn’t, but it would be kind of fun to do.

Manly Sea Eagles vs Canterbury Bulldogs

Parramatta Eels vs Nth Queensland Cows

Gold Coast Titans vs Penrith Panthers

St George Illawarra vs Dragons vs Cronulla Sharks

South Sydney Rabbitohs vs New Zealand Warriors

Newcastle Knights vs Wests Tigers

Melbourne Storm vs Sydney Roosters

Game of the Round

Canberra Raiders vs Brisbane Broncos

The Raiders went from having three new prospective rep players coming into the team on Monday, to having none of them by Tuesday and a handful of their current players “speaking” (signing) to “other clubs” (St George) by Wednesday.  I don’t know why the Dragons have such a massive boner for Raiders players – I guess they just target the team who is slightly less shit than they are and then get all of their players.  By 2017 they should have the entire green machine on their books, and then in 2018 they can start to look at buying players from the Titans or the Tigers.  I’d say by the 2042 season, they’ll have successfully amoeba’d their way up the ladder to resemble to 2041 Manly team.  And you know that will be an ugly, ugly team.

I can’t see the Raiders scraping together a win this week, unless the bitter cold of Monday night football in the nation’s capital works its wonders to literally freeze the tits off the Broncos players who will all have to be taken to hospital with man-boob-frostbite (it’s not pretty – don’t Google it).  Brissy smashed the shit out of the Sea Eagles last week, and the Raiders put in one of their best performances of the season last week to go down to the Roosters by about 20, so… yeah.  Bring on the cold nipples, I say.  

It took me way too long to understand what was happening in this photo than I want to admit.  And yes, that does seem to be Steve Matai making a clean tackle.  Well... cleanish.