I don't know if "Good tipping" means the same in English as it does in whatever language this is written in.
So it’s fucking nonsense on
stilts time in the NRL, is it? Fine. I
can stilt-walk with the motherfucking most nonsensical of them all. Let’s roll, bitches.
Round 5:
Why the fuck do fucking Brisbane get so
many fucking Friday fucking night games?
Those fucks. Just once, Channel
9, I’d like to enjoy my Friday night football without some fucking dickwit from
Brissy fucking it up with his brazen ugliness.
Fucking fuck.
I’ve got a sneaking suspicion
that the Dogs will roll the Rooters, who I still refuse to rate as a decent
football team – their halves are the shittest thing ever. Like, shitter than when you press too firmly
onto your bread when you’re spreading butter, and it rips the bastard asunder,
and your sandwich is fucked from then on in.
Mitch Pearce is the worst player ever, which is an achievement in itself
when you think about the other people in his like Shaun Kenny-Dowell and James
Maloney, who probably needs to stop thinking about the time he got caught
having a wank and became a Footy Show legend, and practice kicking the fucking
ball. Stupid dickhead Roosters. Despite all that, I’m tipping them. My unique plan last week to tip the winners didn’t work, so I'm mixing it up this time.
Everyone else had better turn up –
I’m looking at you, Souths, Melbourne and Cowboys.
The only game of any interest is
whether Cronulla can get off their duck for the season with a win over the
Warriors. If there’s a team who can pull
off a complete turn-around in form in one week, it’s our cousins from over the
creek. I am so glad I’m not a Warriors
fan sometimes (most times) – at least supporting the Raiders you usually know
what you’re going to get from them (consistent inconsistency) which is more consistent
than being so inconsistently consistent like the Warriors. They’d better win though, or I’ll make Lote
Tuquiri play for them. I have a funny
feeling the Bunnies will no longer be requiring his services. Hanging onto him would be like being cured of
the Ebola virus, then thinking, “Actually, the intolerable pain, gaping gangrenous
wounds and imminent death were kind of fun.
I’d like that again please!” and then drinking a mosquito and maggot milkshake
(or however you get the Ebola virus. I
don’t know, I’m not a scientician, I just like milkshakes).
Sydney Roosters vs Canterbury Bulldogs
Brisbane Broncos vs Parramatta Eels
Cronulla Sharks vs New Zealand Warriors
St George Illawarra Dragons vs South Sydney Rabbitohs
Melbourne Storm vs Gold Coast Titans
Wests Tigers vs Manly Sea Eagles
Nth Queensland Cowboys vs Newcastle Knights
Game of the Round
Penrith Panthers vs Canberra Raiders
I hope no one is lactose intolerant
in this game, as it’s a battle of dairy: the OAK Panthers vs the Canberra Lime Milk
Raiders. I would also hope that if you
were lactose intolerant, you wouldn’t chug a litre of milk before running out
to spend the next 80 minutes being smashed around by thirteen dickheads on a
field. It would get messy and I doubt
you’d make many friends.
The Raiders hit their straps last
week by crushing heavyweights South Sydney without even breaking a sweat, while
the Panthers lost to some fucking idiots.
I can’t even remember who they played, that’s how good that game
was. But they lost.
There’s absolutely no reason why
either of these teams should win – it’s one of those games where one of them is
going to win by at least 30 points, and it could quite easily be either
team. If it’s not, it will probably be
Penrith. Stay in school, kids.
It's funny that Todd Carney needs to announce when he doesn't get "in no fights"
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