NRL 2012 Round 7: The Tigers Will Definitely Win

Round Seven hits us in the face like a spelled-out number, if that number was Robert Lui, and our faces were his pregnant girlfriend. As Todd Carney remains relatively crime-free for another week, we turn our attention to another serial fucknozzle in the shape of disgraced Tigers-slash-Cowboys halfback Mr Robert Lui.

For those too lazy to click the link, Robert Lui has been banned for 12 months by the North Queensland Cowboys following his indiscretion of beating up his pregnant girlfriend. Bobby Lui is a role-model for every dickhead bogan who wants to get drunk and smash the shit out of someone [three times] and get away with it. Poor ol’ Bob gets away with being dumped from the Tigers, picked up by the Cowboys and given a year off actually working. To be honest, if I was a heartless, cowardly cunt, I’d probably beat the shit out of my girlfriend so I could sink piss and work out for 12 months as well.

In more light-hearted news, the Tigers are still shit, which is just great by me. Maybe it’s because of their pre-season favouritism to take out the premiership, or maybe it’s because their entire playing roster is on the Footy Show and are more worried about what Beau Knows about bee-keeping than they are about tackling a 120-kilo bloke running straight at them, but I’m happy to see them flopping around at the bottom of the table. That said, I’m actually tipping them this week, for no other reason that I don’t like the Panthers’ uniform. Yep, I’m going there.

If you’re looking for a cheeky wager, I’d throw your $10 note on the Titans to upset Manly. I wouldn’t do it with my money of course, but that doesn’t matter, because I got a solid $12 from selling your Duran Duran CDs while you were at work. Also, I used your toothbrush. Hey, don’t blame me, I’m a Manly/Gold Coast supporter and can’t help my drug/thieving addiction.

I’m also tipping the Dragons, even though they seriously, seriously don’t deserve it. But I just really hate the Knights. Sometimes you just have to ignore form, injuries, home ground advantage, playing roster, coaches and off-field occurrences and really concentrate on how much Newcastle pisses you off.

Round Seven presents:

St George-Illawarra Dragons vs Newcastle Knights

Melbourne Storm vs Bulldogs

Sydney Roosters vs North Queensland Cowboys

Manly Sea Eagles vs Gold Coast Titans

New Zealand Warriors vs South Sydney Rabbitohs

Sharks vs Parramatta Eels

Penrith Panthers vs Wests Tigers

Game of the Round:

Brisbane Broncos vs Canberra Raiders

You know that feeling you get when you’re just so fucking sure of something that you can’t ignore it? Like calling a friend after you’ve had a dream that they just got skull-fucked by a Yeti, or yelling random suitcase numbers at your TV while you're watching Deal or No Deal just because “17” feels right. That’s the feeling I’ve got with Canberra this weekend; that skull-fucked-by-a-Yeti-while-screaming-numbers kind of feeling. It’s a special one, all right.

The Raiders' recovery pool consists mostly of tattoo ink and snot