With the Academy Awards on at some stage this week (possibly, don’t ask me exactly when they’re on; it’s not like I’m being paid for researching shit), I thought I’d consult Todd the Psychic Dinosaur for his thoughts on who will walk away with an Oscar.
Sees all and knows all
Actor in a Leading Role
Your nominees are:
Javier Bardem in Biutiful - Jeff Bridges in True Grit - Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network - Colin Firth in The King's Speech - James Franco in 127 Hours
What we need to look at here is the fact that none of these actors really had to stretch too far to play their nominated characters; Bardem (presumably) played a Mexican, Jeff Bridges played a character not entirely dissimilar to the characters normally played by Jeff Bridges, Jesse Eisenberg played a real person who is socially inept, Colin Firth played an Englishman with a stutter (not to be confused with Hugh Grant) and Jimmy Franco was a bloke with his arm stuck under a rock. I believe Franco prepared for the role by trying to nick a packet of Twisties from a vending machine.
Todd the Psychic Dinosaur reckons Bardem is in with a chance, but only because nominating a foreign film seems like a fairly artsy-fartsy move to make, and so is putting $10 on James Franco.
My money is on Eisenberg, but only because I liked his work in Zombieland and felt sorry for him because he had to make out with Kristen Stewart in Adventureland.
Actress in a Leading Role
Up for the award:
Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right - Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole - Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone - Natalie Portman in Black Swan - Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine
Not only have I not seen any of these movies, I have actually only heard of one of them -Black Swan - so Natalie Portman gets my vote (she would have got it even if she wasn’t nominated).
Todd the Psychic Dinosaur just looked up The Kids Are All Right and thinks that Bening could be in with a chance for top honours because she plays a lesbian, which automatically gives her a massive Academy vote. I pointed out to him that Portman snogs Mila Kunis in Black Swan, which is way hotter than anything lesbian that Bening could do. This has changed Todd the Psychic Dinosaur's mind and now he's voting with me. You can never vote against hot lesbians.
So that makes two thumbs up for Portman, which is as high a score as you can get in this two-judge system, unless I grow a third hand… and if I do, I’d like it to be right on top of my head so I can scratch my face while I’m driving. And when I’m angry or scared, it can stand up like a crest and scare off predators. It can also hold my sunglasses in place when I bend over.
Tomorrow’s post will look at Supporting Actors, which will be about as exciting as a battle for second placed loser could possibly be.
What we need to look at here is the fact that none of these actors really had to stretch too far to play their nominated characters; Bardem (presumably) played a Mexican, Jeff Bridges played a character not entirely dissimilar to the characters normally played by Jeff Bridges, Jesse Eisenberg played a real person who is socially inept, Colin Firth played an Englishman with a stutter (not to be confused with Hugh Grant) and Jimmy Franco was a bloke with his arm stuck under a rock. I believe Franco prepared for the role by trying to nick a packet of Twisties from a vending machine.
Todd the Psychic Dinosaur reckons Bardem is in with a chance, but only because nominating a foreign film seems like a fairly artsy-fartsy move to make, and so is putting $10 on James Franco.
My money is on Eisenberg, but only because I liked his work in Zombieland and felt sorry for him because he had to make out with Kristen Stewart in Adventureland.
Actress in a Leading Role
Up for the award:
Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right - Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole - Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone - Natalie Portman in Black Swan - Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine
Not only have I not seen any of these movies, I have actually only heard of one of them -Black Swan - so Natalie Portman gets my vote (she would have got it even if she wasn’t nominated).
Todd the Psychic Dinosaur just looked up The Kids Are All Right and thinks that Bening could be in with a chance for top honours because she plays a lesbian, which automatically gives her a massive Academy vote. I pointed out to him that Portman snogs Mila Kunis in Black Swan, which is way hotter than anything lesbian that Bening could do. This has changed Todd the Psychic Dinosaur's mind and now he's voting with me. You can never vote against hot lesbians.
So that makes two thumbs up for Portman, which is as high a score as you can get in this two-judge system, unless I grow a third hand… and if I do, I’d like it to be right on top of my head so I can scratch my face while I’m driving. And when I’m angry or scared, it can stand up like a crest and scare off predators. It can also hold my sunglasses in place when I bend over.
Tomorrow’s post will look at Supporting Actors, which will be about as exciting as a battle for second placed loser could possibly be.
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