Holy crap, we’ve made it to the final game of the season. Thank you linesmen, thank you ballboys. With finals spots up for grabs this weekend, every league fan the world over should be sitting in a pool of their own glistening, sticky saliva. Me, well I’m just waiting for Canberra Milk to reintroduce Raiders Lime back into the market, a ploy that hasn’t been seen since the early 90s. Green milk? Fuck yes.
Titans vs Tigers
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Tigers, and is shaping up as a genuine noodle-scratcher to tip. Both teams have booked their place in the finals, both teams surprised everyone by doing that, and both teams have me yelling abuse from my couch until I am hoarse. This one deserves to end in a draw, but seeing as that hasn’t happened since 1972, my head says Titans, my gut says Tigers, and my left knee (“Ol’ Clicky”) is still supporting the Hunter Mariners. Stupid Clicky.
Broncos vs Raiders
RAAAAIDERS! RAAAAAAIDERS!! WOOOOO WOOWoooWOOOooo! RAAAAaaIDERS! LAALA LA GREEN MAACHINE! WOOOO!
Darern “if I’m not here, forget about it” Lockyer has decided not to risk injury again this week and once more sits out on the sideline. Wally “Wally Wally Wally” Wallace needs a shoulder reconstruction but his dedication to the team is so high that he’s going to play. A fully-fit Wallace doesn’t really bother anyone, so having him with half an arm and Dave Shillington up in his face all game probably scares people even less. Thanks for the security escort into the finals, Brissy. We appreciate that. WOOOOO RAAAAAIDERS!
Eels vs Warriors
Warriors. Next!
Panthers vs Sharks
Despite the Sharkies coming good (round 24 is probably not the time to try and launch a finals surge though, and last place really isn’t the ideal springboard), Penrith SHOULD win this one comfortably. But knowing them, they won’t turn up to play and be smashed all over the park. Defense will be a dirty word in this game.
Cowboys vs Roosters
Apparently Todd Carney is front-runner for the Dally M award (the highest accolade you can achieve in the NRL). Just imagine how well he’d be going if he wasn’t constantly smacked out of his head? The Cowboys really haven’t done much this year except look forward to next season. Thanks for coming, Cowbs. Add another loss to your tally for me. Cheers.
Storm vs Knights
Melbourne have opened the gates and are charging punters $1 to get in to watch this one. If only the bar would charge $1 beers as well, I’d probably consider making the journey. Melbourne will abso-fucking-lutely destroy the Knights without even breaking sweat. This game is going to get embarrassing for the Newcastle lads.
Manly vs Bulldogs
Expect some no-nonsense, hard-hitting, action-packed, fast-paced football… but not from either of these guys. Check out the little leaguers at half-time; I love those kids. Manly will win this one in a scrappy, ugly game that will go for about 60 minutes longer than it needs to.
Dragons vs Rabbitohs
By the time this game kicks off, the Rabbits will know whether or not they can qualify for a finals spot, which will determine how well they play. But that won’t matter, because they’ll be beaten by the Dragons regardless. So just tip them. Thanks for 2010, Souths, see you next year. PS. I love you, Sam Burgess.
U Can’t Tip This
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Tigers, and is shaping up as a genuine noodle-scratcher to tip. Both teams have booked their place in the finals, both teams surprised everyone by doing that, and both teams have me yelling abuse from my couch until I am hoarse. This one deserves to end in a draw, but seeing as that hasn’t happened since 1972, my head says Titans, my gut says Tigers, and my left knee (“Ol’ Clicky”) is still supporting the Hunter Mariners. Stupid Clicky.
Broncos vs Raiders
RAAAAIDERS! RAAAAAAIDERS!! WOOOOO WOOWoooWOOOooo! RAAAAaaIDERS! LAALA LA GREEN MAACHINE! WOOOO!
Darern “if I’m not here, forget about it” Lockyer has decided not to risk injury again this week and once more sits out on the sideline. Wally “Wally Wally Wally” Wallace needs a shoulder reconstruction but his dedication to the team is so high that he’s going to play. A fully-fit Wallace doesn’t really bother anyone, so having him with half an arm and Dave Shillington up in his face all game probably scares people even less. Thanks for the security escort into the finals, Brissy. We appreciate that. WOOOOO RAAAAAIDERS!
Eels vs Warriors
Warriors. Next!
Panthers vs Sharks
Despite the Sharkies coming good (round 24 is probably not the time to try and launch a finals surge though, and last place really isn’t the ideal springboard), Penrith SHOULD win this one comfortably. But knowing them, they won’t turn up to play and be smashed all over the park. Defense will be a dirty word in this game.
Cowboys vs Roosters
Apparently Todd Carney is front-runner for the Dally M award (the highest accolade you can achieve in the NRL). Just imagine how well he’d be going if he wasn’t constantly smacked out of his head? The Cowboys really haven’t done much this year except look forward to next season. Thanks for coming, Cowbs. Add another loss to your tally for me. Cheers.
Storm vs Knights
Melbourne have opened the gates and are charging punters $1 to get in to watch this one. If only the bar would charge $1 beers as well, I’d probably consider making the journey. Melbourne will abso-fucking-lutely destroy the Knights without even breaking sweat. This game is going to get embarrassing for the Newcastle lads.
Manly vs Bulldogs
Expect some no-nonsense, hard-hitting, action-packed, fast-paced football… but not from either of these guys. Check out the little leaguers at half-time; I love those kids. Manly will win this one in a scrappy, ugly game that will go for about 60 minutes longer than it needs to.
Dragons vs Rabbitohs
By the time this game kicks off, the Rabbits will know whether or not they can qualify for a finals spot, which will determine how well they play. But that won’t matter, because they’ll be beaten by the Dragons regardless. So just tip them. Thanks for 2010, Souths, see you next year. PS. I love you, Sam Burgess.
U Can’t Tip This
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