Round 19 is throwing up a few games that promise to be abso-fucking-lute crackerjacks, for whatever that means, and will be like picking a broken nose with a broken finger... difficult. Hence the title. I’m sure you can see what I did there.
Rabbitohs vs Dragons
The first of our nose affairs. If you’re tipping purely from the NRL ladder, you’d assume this should be a piece of piss for the Dragons, but Souths do enjoy tossing in a bit of unpredictability just to piss people off. Despite losing last week, they really are playing some good footy. But I’ve put the child-locks on in my Dragons band-wagon and will not be getting off. Drags by a dozen, even with Spazzy Gasnier getting in the way.
Titans vs Broncos
IT’S THE CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Broncos. This all-Queensland bash will ensure that XXXX continues to be sold throughout the Sunshine State, and will also provide us nose-pickers with another itchy problem. I’m going for the Brisbanes this week – they are playing better footy than the Titans, they have momentum and most importantly, they don’t have Matt Rogers playing for them. Sold. Broncs by 8.
Warriors vs Storm
The Storm keep on digging themselves in a bit deeper with their salary cap bullshit, don’t they? And whenever they pick up their shovels for another go, they decide they need to prove to their fans and sponsors (probably their sponsors more than their fans) that they are the real deal. And whenever they do that, the fucking Warriors are there to cop a hiding. If this was any other week, it would be a busted digit going into a wonky nostril. As it is though, it’s a flogging on the cards. Storm by 20.
Panthers vs Eels
Toot toot - the Hayne Train is back in action. Well done, Jarryd, you’re doing what you’re being paid to do. Congratulations. Actually, that’s more than I can say for myself - this blog is proudly brought to you by the Australian Government. Unfortunately, when Hayne is scoring tries, it means that Parra is playing well. The Panthers played like shit last week, and I really don’t know if it’s within them to turn it around. But they’d better, because I’m backing them. Just. Fingers & noses, baby.
Sharks vs Sea Eagles
Another grozzie-grab game – this round is producing either tears of pain or very itchy noses in almost every match. Crickey. The Sharks haven’t been as shit as everyone thought they’d be, and Manly have been producing occasional moments of brilliance (as well as more frequent moments of retardedness). I’m going Manly, but only because I still don’t trust Trent Barrett. Sea Eagles by 7.
Raiders vs Knights
Pick pick pick. Ouch ouch ouch. I hear that Adam Mogg is out with some kind of injury, which will boost Canberra fans as he really is the world’s fucking worst player. A further boost will be provided by the news that Josh Dugan has decided to stay with the Green Machine for a few more years – I can only assume he has a shady past and some outstanding arrest warrants that the Canberra management are helping him with – this is all pointing to a Raiders victory (by 14 points). Unfortunately, it’s a game that they are expected to win, so this is going to affect them badly. I’m going to stick with them, but they’ll hang on by the skin of Dave Shillington’s hairy ballsack in a 2-point finish.
Roosters vs Bulldogs
I’m expecting the Roosters to cheat their way to victory in this game (as they do in most games), but it won’t be easy with Brett “this is how they cheated back in my day” Kimmorley playing surprisingly well for someone with Alzheimer’s and osteo-arthritis. I’m super happy that Canberra has put in a bid for the world’s most wrinkled player next year, too. The crowd will have to cheer extra loud, as I’m pretty sure hearing aids aren’t allowed whilst playing. Roosters by 8 in a game that will be closer than it should be.
Tigers vs Cowboys
The only team bad enough to lose to the Cowboys these days is Canberra. The Tigers should run in at least four-thousand tries, and convert at least eight-hundred of them. I’m no mathematician, but that should give them a 24-6 victory, yes?
Tipping you is easy ‘cause you’re beautiful.
Rabbitohs vs Dragons
The first of our nose affairs. If you’re tipping purely from the NRL ladder, you’d assume this should be a piece of piss for the Dragons, but Souths do enjoy tossing in a bit of unpredictability just to piss people off. Despite losing last week, they really are playing some good footy. But I’ve put the child-locks on in my Dragons band-wagon and will not be getting off. Drags by a dozen, even with Spazzy Gasnier getting in the way.
Titans vs Broncos
IT’S THE CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Broncos. This all-Queensland bash will ensure that XXXX continues to be sold throughout the Sunshine State, and will also provide us nose-pickers with another itchy problem. I’m going for the Brisbanes this week – they are playing better footy than the Titans, they have momentum and most importantly, they don’t have Matt Rogers playing for them. Sold. Broncs by 8.
Warriors vs Storm
The Storm keep on digging themselves in a bit deeper with their salary cap bullshit, don’t they? And whenever they pick up their shovels for another go, they decide they need to prove to their fans and sponsors (probably their sponsors more than their fans) that they are the real deal. And whenever they do that, the fucking Warriors are there to cop a hiding. If this was any other week, it would be a busted digit going into a wonky nostril. As it is though, it’s a flogging on the cards. Storm by 20.
Panthers vs Eels
Toot toot - the Hayne Train is back in action. Well done, Jarryd, you’re doing what you’re being paid to do. Congratulations. Actually, that’s more than I can say for myself - this blog is proudly brought to you by the Australian Government. Unfortunately, when Hayne is scoring tries, it means that Parra is playing well. The Panthers played like shit last week, and I really don’t know if it’s within them to turn it around. But they’d better, because I’m backing them. Just. Fingers & noses, baby.
Sharks vs Sea Eagles
Another grozzie-grab game – this round is producing either tears of pain or very itchy noses in almost every match. Crickey. The Sharks haven’t been as shit as everyone thought they’d be, and Manly have been producing occasional moments of brilliance (as well as more frequent moments of retardedness). I’m going Manly, but only because I still don’t trust Trent Barrett. Sea Eagles by 7.
Raiders vs Knights
Pick pick pick. Ouch ouch ouch. I hear that Adam Mogg is out with some kind of injury, which will boost Canberra fans as he really is the world’s fucking worst player. A further boost will be provided by the news that Josh Dugan has decided to stay with the Green Machine for a few more years – I can only assume he has a shady past and some outstanding arrest warrants that the Canberra management are helping him with – this is all pointing to a Raiders victory (by 14 points). Unfortunately, it’s a game that they are expected to win, so this is going to affect them badly. I’m going to stick with them, but they’ll hang on by the skin of Dave Shillington’s hairy ballsack in a 2-point finish.
Roosters vs Bulldogs
I’m expecting the Roosters to cheat their way to victory in this game (as they do in most games), but it won’t be easy with Brett “this is how they cheated back in my day” Kimmorley playing surprisingly well for someone with Alzheimer’s and osteo-arthritis. I’m super happy that Canberra has put in a bid for the world’s most wrinkled player next year, too. The crowd will have to cheer extra loud, as I’m pretty sure hearing aids aren’t allowed whilst playing. Roosters by 8 in a game that will be closer than it should be.
Tigers vs Cowboys
The only team bad enough to lose to the Cowboys these days is Canberra. The Tigers should run in at least four-thousand tries, and convert at least eight-hundred of them. I’m no mathematician, but that should give them a 24-6 victory, yes?
Tipping you is easy ‘cause you’re beautiful.
Roles reversed: Using state-of-the-art photography techniques, this photo makes it look like Kimmorley isn't a hobbit.
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