Round 12: Shakin my money maker

Nothing in this picture seems to have gone right for anyone

This week, I’m spicing up the tipping extravaganza with the incentive of winning money. Using the prices that have been quoted by Sportsbet or Centrebet or some kind of betting agency, I’m going to see how much moolah I can win from a week of tipping. I have given myself $10 to play with on each game. I figure by the end of the round, I’ll be rollicking rich with fake money and can go out and buy some awesome fake stuff.

Dragons vs Eels
The Dragons are favourites to win this sucker, and rightly so, but with a handful of players backing up from State of Origin, there should be a couple of tired boys in the ranks. However, the players in Wednesday’s game did little more than lie around on sun-loungers, ordering more drinks and getting blowjobs. I know it was raining, but no one’s going to pass up a blowjob, regardless of the weather.

Anyway, Saints to win at $1.54, which gives me $15.40 courtesy of the TAB. It’s not much, but a guaranteed win won’t pay too well any way you look at it.

Tigers vs Warriors
Let’s see: the Bunnies beat the Tigers by 50, and the Warriors beat the Bunnies. Logic would say that the Warriors should thusly beat the Tigers. But they won’t, and it’s another $10.44 for me. Man. I’m never going to be able to afford that pretend rocket-sled at this rate.

Sharks vs Broncos
I’m going out on a limb and picking the upset here – I reckon the Broncs will be dusty from the Origin shitfest and the Sharkies will surprise everyone (including themselves) and get across the line. That’s a good $22.50 for me, which will go towards a massive wheel of cheese.

Cowboys vs Manly
I wish I could tip the Cowboys, and pocket another $23. But putting any cash on these losers would be counter-productive; I’d rather spend that money on taking Carl Webb to get his hair cut. I’ll take Manly and earn an easy $16.20 and buy some beer.

Rabbitohs vs Panthers
The Pantherohs have somehow snuck up to second or third on the ladder (my attention to detail and impeccable research astounds even me sometimes), and even though it’s the Bunnies' turn to have their traditional “good” week, the Penrith lads have got my nod in what should be a fairly entertaining game of footy. $18.60 later and I’m going to blow it all on a shitload of KFC.

Storm vs Bulldogs
Storm. Easiest $15.30 I’ll ever make. I’ll use that money for parking, as paying the meter doesn’t really count as spending, and picking a team to beat the Bulldogs isn’t really gambling.

Titans vs Roosters
Call me mental (other people have), but I’m going to put my $10 on the Roosters for this game. To be perfectly Francis, I haven’t been paying much attention to either of these teams’ form of late – all I’ve been worried about is the safety of women around Todd Carney and the amount of grease coming from Matt Rogers. Seriously, does that guy bathe in the deep fryer at McDonalds? If the Chooks win, I’ve got myself $29.50, which is enough to buy either one good DVD or three shit ones.

Tip me baby, one more time.