Round 5: Turning points

I'm pretty sure this kick isn't going where he intended it to

There comes a time in every celebrity tipster’s life (I use both the words ‘celebrity’ and ‘tipster’ fairly loosely) where he must wonder why on earth he even thinks about trying to pick a winner in rugby league. Let it be known that Round 4 of 2010 will go down in history as “a shit week” for everyone (I also use the term ‘everyone’ fairly loosely), and Round 5 will be “redemption.”

Dragons vs Broncos
The Brisbanes aren’t travelling too well this year, which is great to see. As long as someone’s keeping the Raiders off the bottom of the ladder, I’m happy. I don’t care who it is, really. St George should win this by at least 8,000,000 points, unless the football gods play another prank on us this week.

Titans vs Storm
It’s the CLASH OF THE TITANS… and the Storm. The Titans will be buoyed by the fact that a movie called “Clash of the Titans” opened for them this week, but perturbed that it’s not very good. The Storm will be buoyed by the fact that they are a much better football team than the Titans and this should prove to be a more considerable advantage in winning the match.

Rabbits vs Knights
According to Centrebet, the Knights are at $2.75 to win. It wouldn’t be the most ridiculous way to spend $10. But I’m still tipping the Bunnies; I think they’ve just started to hit their straps. They might also be buoyed by the fact that their owner/saviour/secret lover Russell Crowe is Robin Hood. I know that would buoy me. I’m using the word ‘buoyed’ a lot today.

Bulldogs vs Warriors
Seriously, both of these teams can go and get fucked. They play well, they play shit, they play mediocre. I can’t keep up. Fuck them both in the ear. Flip a coin. Warriors are paying $3.15. That’s not bad actually. Save your $10 from the Bunnies game (above) and spend it on the Kiwis instead.

Cowboys vs Tigers
It was nice of the Tigers to turn up in the second half last weekend and ruin my day. Despite that, I’m going for the Tigers to win again; I have a gut feeling. I’ve also had three coffees today and am feeling a bit squishy in the stomach which might have something to do with it, but I’ll trust it anyway. Also, I don’t like the Cowboys on general principle.

Manly vs Sharks
Hmmm. Sharks are paying $3.70. You could take your $10 from the NZ vs Dogs game and put it on them instead, as they might just spring another surprise this week after notching their first win against Parramatta. But Manly SHOULD win this one, if the law according to Des Hasler goes to plan. Coach Des is the absolute epitome of why everyone hates Manly. One-eyed arrogant prick.

Panthers vs Roosters
There’s been an awful lot of hype about the Chooks lately – and good hype, not the kind they’re used to – and not much about the Panthers. I don’t really know if that will have much of an impact on the game, but it sounds like a nice introduction into ‘underdog status’ and phrases like ‘playing to prove a point.’ I’ll leave that up to the paid journalists though. I’ll tip the Roosters this week.

Eels vs Raiders
The Eels are paying $1.35 and the mighty fucking Canberra motherfucking Raiders are $3.30. Take the $10 you were going to spend on the Manly game and put it on the Green Machine. I’d really enjoy it if the same Parramatta who got smoked by the Sharks last week turn up again. I’d also like it if the same Raiders outfit who smashed the Tigers in the first half last week turned up again. And if Rachel McAdams and Natalie Portman wanted to come around and play Nintendo with me, that would be nice too.

Tip me over, pour me a stout.