things that go bump in the night

I really do need to update this blog thing more often; I keep saving these links in the hope that I'll actually get to writing something hilarious about it one day.

This one must have been a slow news day, even for the Adelaide papers: http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24245098-5005962,00.html

AN Indian filmgoer rented out an entire cinema to disprove a director's claim that his latest horror movie is so scary no one can watch it alone.
Pavin Ponanna, 30, booked all 227 seats at a Bangalore multiplex for an evening screening of Phoonk, the Pioneer newspaper reported.
He asked cinema staff to have a doctor on call, but emerged declaring: "I never felt scared, not even for a moment. I took just 10 minutes to settle down."
Bollywood producer-director Ram Gopal Verma had challenged any fan to watch Phoonk - the story of a happy family suddenly beset by the evil forces of black magic - on their own.
Mr Ponanna, an advertising professional, visited a temple to prepare for the experience, the Pioneer said.
The tickets cost him 47,000 rupees ($1160).

I was going to do the same thing for Beverly Hills Chiauahua, but realised that at Hoyts' prices, it would have cost me $3,518.50 for 227 seats, plus at least double that for a tub of popcorn and a Coke. Personally, I don't have that much cash, nor do I have the inclination to take advertising tag-lines and marketing guff as truth. If people took the tagline for Jaws ("Don't go in the water") seriously, no one would swim, and the swimming races at the Olympics would suck big time, although the diving could be way cooler. Plus, everyone would smell and I'm pretty sure Bondi Beach would have been closed down. People who hadn't seen Jaws would be asking, "Hey man, why aren't you swimming?" And you'd be saying, "Fuck man, haven't you seen Jaws? Don't go in the water," and the other people would laugh at you and go and swim in the beach and you'd be sitting on the sand, ruing the day you ever watched Jaws.

The Blair Witch Project had the line "everything you've heard is true". Really, EVERYTHING. Like, what about the story about the old man who lives down the end of the street who has a big mean dog and all the kids say that if you lose a ball in his back yard, the man will trap you and feed you to his dog and keep your ball? Is that true? IS IT?! HUH?!

And let's be honest, this is a line that the DIRECTOR OF THE MOVIE uttered. Last time I checked, movie directors will rarely say, "This movie is a piece of shit, I wouldn't see it." (We'll leave that up to George Clooney when talking about Batman and Robin - by the way, Georgie boy, you still owe me money).

I'm glad Mr Ponanna-the-spanner is such a hardcore film-goer that to "prepare for the experience", he had to visit a temple. This guy would be a pain in the arse to hang out with.
"Hey Ponanna, do you want to go and see a movie? Wall E starts in 20 minutes."
"Shit no, there's no time to go to a temple."
"But it's not a horror film. It's a family movie about a robot..."
"I am not prepared to see that movie."
"It's really good though, it's funny and cute and..."
"I AM NOT PREPARED!"
"Oh. Ok... well, wanna grab a DVD? I think Iron Man is out."
"My suit of armour isn't finished yet."
"You don't need it, we're just watching a movie..."
"MY SUIT OF ARMOUR ISN'T READY YET!"

What if you wanted to have a hit of golf with him one day? Would he need to join the PGA tour to prepare? What if you were going to meet him at the pub for a beer? Would he need to become a brewer? It's all too much.

I also had a doctor on call when I went to see Beverly Hills Chiauahua, but just so I'd have someone who I could punch in the face afterwards, and I'm in a doctor-punching mood.