watch me pull a rabbi out of this hat. Apologies to all the Jews out there.

My favourite sound in the world is a chorus of squirrels singing in conjunction with the noise you hear when you ring a fax machine by accident.

I can't believe I watched all of John Travolta's "Perfect" last night, when "Tango and Cash" was undeniably a better option

I think that if I was the first person to arrive on a crime scene, I'd put some spaghetti inside the victim, so that when forensics arrived, they would say, "This man is infested with maggots!" And then I would eat some and say, "God I'm so hungry. I skipped breakfast today." It might make some people sick, but I like spaghetti.